I think for the first time since I started blogging 16 months ago, I have writers block. This white screen for writing that I normally find so liberating and fun, is currently exhausting and demanding. I absolutely hate feeling this way. I'm fine, though. I am not overly happy, but I am not sad. I am thankful I am not feeling with the pain and depression that ensued for a big part of this year, but I do not feel back to myself at 100%.
I have to be honest when I say my motivation is lacking. My weight loss started to really stall in August after months and months of a steady decline. Combine that with work stress and the nagging heartache that would just not go away, and I felt myself losing everything but fat. I still have not gotten back into my "groove" and schedule with clean eating and training. I absolutely love exercise, but I have been "eh" lately. My food has been boring to me and I haven't wanted it; therefore I have been "cheating" a lot more. I just changed gyms. I have had a lot going on at work. Since all of that has ensued, I find myself bored, empty, and numb. Like I said, I am not necessarily sad, I just feel myself not caring about anything. That isn't like me at all.
Now that my emotions and heart have healed and I can see a little more clearly, I find myself in a rut. I am bored. "Blah" is probably the word of the month for me. I am craving something to make me feel alive... to give me an adventure...to help bring my passion for life and fitness that I have always had. Who is this girl that is feeling this way? It certainly is not me.
I am in a big growing pain. I believe the term for what I have experienced this year is a "quarter life crisis". After all, I am 25 years old now.
I am not exactly sure what to do to rid this prolonged case of the "Monday's" that feel permanently instilled in my mind right now. Normally at this point, I am making an extensive plan to get over whatever is bringing me down, but not this time. The reason being is because I am not sure what could help this.
I am just going to take it one day at a time. That is all I have to offer right now; and hopefully by putting one foot in front of the other, life will get back to normal.
I do know that I absolutely have to do better with my food choices and training. I feel so damn good when I execute my nutrition and exercise plan; I just have to suck up my "ugh, I don't feel like it" because I know I have to get the rest of this weight off. It will depress the life out of me if I don't. I also know that once I force myself to adhere to my plan for a couple of days, it starts becoming a norm to me. It is hard for the first few days, but then it evens out and I feel great and remember why this is my passion.
I hate writing posts like this and I feel like over the past couple of months I have written at least one or two a month, but I have vowed to be honest on my blog. Sometimes it embarrasses me, but it helps me understand and acknowledge my feelings; which is the first step to change. Simply put, this year has been so, so hard on me, filled with so many struggles from family to love and everything in between.
But I know that I am a strong person. I am humble, I am honest, and I am always willing to grow and learn. Therefore I will pull through this. Right now I taking life one day at a time and doing the best I can. I am doing better... not nearly as good as I want to be, but I am better than I was a few weeks ago. My passion is not dead, it's just sleeping. And I for one, am ready for it to wake up.
I hate writing posts like this and I feel like over the past couple of months I have written at least one or two a month, but I have vowed to be honest on my blog. Sometimes it embarrasses me, but it helps me understand and acknowledge my feelings; which is the first step to change. Simply put, this year has been so, so hard on me, filled with so many struggles from family to love and everything in between.
But I know that I am a strong person. I am humble, I am honest, and I am always willing to grow and learn. Therefore I will pull through this. Right now I taking life one day at a time and doing the best I can. I am doing better... not nearly as good as I want to be, but I am better than I was a few weeks ago. My passion is not dead, it's just sleeping. And I for one, am ready for it to wake up.
You are not alone! I've felt the same way lately. Blogging (and life) can be demanding. Keep your chin up, girl! You're doing great. And thanks for the honesty here. I truly enjoy reading!
ReplyDeleteMaybe you could find someone that you can email or text everyday for some motivation or idea bouncing? It helped me when I was having a rough time with blogging (I'm free if your interested!) Right now I cannot get myself into a routine with workout out either. I keep trying and I just feel like all of these responsibilities keep stopping me. I know that I need to put them aside, but it's so damn hard!
ReplyDelete25 is hard. I'm right there with you. Its like two weeks I'm so on and then two weeks I'm totally off. Can't seem to get it together. For me though its not just my nutrition and working out, its my creative juices too!
ReplyDeleteI can totally understand this. Sometimes our body or mind just honestly needs a break for a while. It can be exhausting eating right, exercising, etc. Don't get too down on yourself. Wait until you're fully ready to recommit and be excited about recommitting then your passion will come back.
ReplyDeleteKeep your head up friend!!! Take a break from here, believe me it will make you feel better and you know your loyals will always be here no matter what!!! Sometimes we just need to step away from the blog world and it all comes flooding back
ReplyDeleteHoney, we all feel blah:)...you have heartache and I am in pain because of creeping in cold loneliness...we all have something going on, but not all of us have enough strength to snap out of it...and I believe you do have it...and look at all your supporters, who are with you each and every step...they might not be literally in your life, but there are so many people who care about you and share your pain...you did an unbelievable job...on the way of getting your new body, finding job that you love, keeping up with love and still try and have fun...you are very hard working girl...and if you can't make it, I don't know who can...hang in there..you need to cry then cry..you need to scream then scream...you need to lay in bed for one day under cover to pull yourself together, do it....do whatever it takes to be on a path you are on right now, because it is your right road to happiness and success...@zagadka1984
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ReplyDeleteIt's taking a CAT NAP!
ReplyDeleteIt's Life - and we all hit those ruts!
But, I was lucky enough to have you guys (my blogging gals) to listen and pick me back up!
And you know I am here for you if you ever want to talk.
I think we all enter into periods of general malaise every once in a while. Typically it's not recommitting to something we've done or ways of life we've made our own, but just a small little out of comfort zone experience that really busts you out in my experience. Or a miniscule encounter that makes you think of everything in an entirely new light with the blink of an eye.
ReplyDeleteLook for your opportunity.
Whoops hit send too soon...honestly, sometimes when I get like that it's because I'm thinking too much and actually LIVING less, or I've stopped being grateful for things and have taken them for granted.
ReplyDeleteI've totally lost my motivation to eat right and workout too, so I get it! I was doing so well, and even when I allowed myself a cheat day it was not hard for me to get back to it. But now I am struggling to eat right at all and I haven't been working out nearly as consistently! And of course going into the holidays, which is the WORST time to have no self control or drive! Ugh!
ReplyDeleteYou are so not alone, I was in this exact spot a couple months ago! Good news, it will all come back. Ups & downs happen and they suck, but I promise, it will wake up :) Focus on YOU, relax and do what makes up happy. Just hit refresh <3
ReplyDeleteI Hate it when I get a total writing block, I ususally end up skipping a day. But sometimes I write off the cuff and I think it's crap and it resonates with people. It will pass, don't sweat it! Or write about something short and sweet like a fave recipe. We can all relate to food:)
ReplyDeleteAh, that sucks! What i usually do is find something new to work towards {uh, marathon anyone?} haha. I need a goal or I get bored quickly. I hope you find something to light your fire soon!
ReplyDeleteI have been in a huge rut lately too! So I completely feel you on this! All we can do is take it one day at a time, hope we identify the problem so that we can work towards changing or fixing it. I am with Stephanie, often times I take for granted how far I have come in my journey and I just have to step back and recognize. I hope you get your mojo back soon!
ReplyDeleteI think we always have ebbs and flows of motivation. I think a new goal or a new routine can really spark the fire again. Hope you start feeling better and a little more like you!
ReplyDeleteI think that being in a rut, feeling blah, is all part of the process. If we're constantly flying high, there's no reason to ever appreciate how good it actually feels. It's also the motivation we need to shake things up a bit, try something else.
ReplyDeleteAs for me, I'm definitely in a rut. I'm doing what I can to get myself out of it but I feel stuck. I know for me, sometimes taking a few days off to go somewhere different, somewhere new to experience new things and meet new people helps. Makes me feel refreshed because it gives a new perspective.
You'll get your enthusiasm back. You're determined.
I can sympathize with feeling in a rut. When I moved to a new country despite every one felt that I should be happy all the time and I wasn't. My blog was stalling, I was stalling, and I could barely find the motivation to get out of bed in the mornings.
ReplyDeleteThe thing that got me out of the rut was to change up my surroundings. I had to get out of the place I was, and out of my every day routine (playing games on my ipad and laying in bed aka depression) and do something. It takes a lot of effort to get out of that position and really pick yourself up, but I know you can do it.
In terms of food/working out.. I know I had chatted with you once before about the Whole30 program, and perhaps trying that could help move you off the plateau? It is hard in the beginning because you go through withdrawals from not having certain foods, but after the 30 days you feel better and more motivated than ever before. I know you already eat really well so you might not experience the withdrawal as bad as I did when I started.
You got this girl. You are motivated, and have the determination to turn this rut around, and have a wonderful supportive group of readers backing you up!
I feel ya for sure. Sometimes life is just blah! I think no matter what stage you are in life, sometimes you just lack motivation. There are times when something needs to change, but you just aren't sure what. I've been there myself lately with other areas of my life, but it all kind of feels the same. Keep your chin up!
ReplyDeleteSorry you haven't been up to par. Headaches do not help matters. I got a little cure for headaches that I can't seem to get rid of. A mountain dew, peanut m&ms, 2 goody powders. I know it horrible for you. Sure doesn't help the waist line but it sure kills a headache. I've suffered from migraine for years and this is the only thing that helps sometimes. Try it and let me know if it works on you.
ReplyDeleteShoot that actually sounds pretty good girl LOL!
DeleteI think honesty is the best policy. It is so important to at least be honest with ourselves. I find it Refreshing that you are so honest on your blog. It makes me feel like I'm not so alone in some of the issues I'm currently dealing with. I think we all go through times where we feel we have lost our passion or it is sleeping. I feel the same way right now. Mostly due to physical exhaustion and stress. But, it will be reignited in time for both of us I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteThe quarter life crisis is REAL!! I'm 25 right now as well and as you so skillfully put it, the prolonged case of the Monday's seems to just stay with me. For me as well I sometimes kinda feel "behind" if that makes sense. Liek I'm not where I should be for 25....idk, but you're definitely NOT alone in how you're feelin
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with you, lady. We can do this. Tomorrow is a new day. =D
ReplyDelete