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Know Your Worth

August 7, 2014

A good quality that I have is... I think. I study. I am open-minded. I am inquisitive. A bad quality I have is... I over think a lot. I believe what I over think most about is human behavior. This prompted me to major in Forensic Psychology in college because I am utterly fascinated by why people believe what they do, and why they do what they do. The media is probably what intrigues me most, namely social media. 

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, blogs, etc. enable news and opinions to reach large audiences in an expeditious amount of time. This is helpful and convenient, but it is also disheartening. Everyone voices their opinion on articles, pictures, statuses-- and anyone can say whatever they want. They can also do this anonymously or behind a fake avatar. 

The older I get, the more I pay attention to the world's [media] opinion on women. I see a plethora of comments degrading women as they grow older and/or after having children. The stigma's are endless: women are only beautiful and desirable in their youth, women are only taken seriously if they look and dress a certain way, women need to ensure they engage in this and this to please a man or else he will leave or cheat. My list could go on (to no one's surprise). Being young and blissful enabled me to never give a prolonged thought about these opinions, but now that I am getting older, I find myself disgusted at times by things I read. 

Below are just a few statements I have heard or read on media outlets, social media, and/or have been said about me personally:


I read and see things written like this everyday. The media and the world is hard on everyone: men, women, black, white, young, and old. Everyone has issues they encounter on a daily basis-- no race or gender is exempt. Comments and posts about women just hit me specifically because, well I am one. Due to today's prodigious amounts of news outlets, magazines, television and reality shows, social media platforms, and so on, it is more imperative to know your worth and define yourself and value by your own standards.

Part of the reason why I am so adamant about finding happiness within yourself and firmly believe happiness is a choice, is because of how these degrading and disheartening opinions are voiced. Maybe the world has always been this way, but due the readily accessible information and opinions about everything, it is easier to see it.

This has made me come to the realization that I need to be strong.

How profound that must sound, right?

I realize I need to be stronger than I initially thought. I truly need to realize and know my worth. This is me "practicing what I preach write". If I feel like others need to know their worth, I first have to know my own.

Here are thoughts I have on issues that I feel hit me directly: 

Men are so much sexier with age; yet women just become ugly, crazy, and undesirable. This scares me. I am 25 years old and I want to find my life partner just as much as anyone else. However, I do not know when that will happen nor do I feel as if this is something I would ever want to rush or settle for. Nor is it something I feel like my life needs to revolve around. Due to the fact that I am growing older, will that make me become less desirable? Do I need to rush out and find someone now so I do not die alone? 

I know my worth: I am more than a body. I am more than skin. Just because I have not settled down does not mean I am undesirable and/or crazy; it just means I have not found the right person yet. It means that I take relationships and marriage seriously, and I would rather be alone that settle for anything less that what feels meant for me. It shows that I can be alone and be OK until the time is right.

I hope that one day those qualities will be able to triumph the wrinkles I may have on my face.

 Because I enjoy wearing makeup, I look like a "hooker" and will never be taken seriously. Why does makeup appear to so easily define a person's morals or values? If one wears makeup they must be covering insecurities or trying to hide themselves. If one wears too much makeup, they have to be sleazy, easy, and stupid. 

Sexy is subjective; that is the best thing about it. Sexy does not have to mean nudity or sex. Sexy also means appealing and/or exciting. I find makeup sexy, and it it something I enjoy. I know I look fine without it. I look younger without it, and I do not always wear it. I consider makeup an art and my face a canvas. Makeup is how I express myself. This stigma that comes with wearing makeup, tattoos, piercings, and/or colorful hair (for example when I had red streaks) is frustrating. Just because a woman enjoys feeling sexy and/or wearing makeup does not mean she lacks morals, values, and a brain. This may sound absolutely unheard of, but it is entirely possible to have all of those qualities. 

This when I have to know my worth. I know that I am more than the makeup on my face-- and sure, I could change it... but then I would be changing something that I love to do, and express myself with, so the world will look at me differently. I refuse to do that, so I have to be strong, understand the judgement and stereotype that comes along with it, and know my worth. I can only hope that maybe by reading my words, someone out there will judge someone less critically because they have a different physical appearance. 

Cheating is the norm these days. It just happens -- we see it so often that it is not a big deal anymore. Because of social media, lines are so easily crossed with inappropriate picture comments, posted pictures, and private messages. For anyone married, in a relationship, or battling this: know you worth. If there is ever something that that can make you feel so worthless, it's being cheated on. Am I not beautiful enough? Am I not desirable? Do I not do enough? Why did I cause someone to engage in this behavior? It's not you, it's them. Men and women who are labeled as the most beautiful on earth have been cheated on. Sometimes people are selfish. Sometimes people make compulsive decisions without thinking of the consequences. That is not your problem; it's theirs. That is when you have to remember to know your worth.

To be frank, relationships in the day and age really do scare me. So often people never seemed satisfied. So often people to seem to only care about sex -- the quantity of partners seem to matter; not the quality, chemistry, and connection someone has with one person. We can easily keep in touch with ex-partners, share racy photos of ourselves to strangers, secretly text on applications that hide phone numbers... it is so easy in this world to not be in love or take relationships and vows seriously. If you put your heart and soul into someone, and it is not reciprocated, you deserve better because you obviously value the relationship your in. Value is worth, and your worth is more than that.

Those are just a few of the issues I am touching on, because the stigmas people attach to issues similar to those above are endless. This blog post could go on for days. This is just the beginning of my understanding of growing older. 

It is hard to change the way that people think. Often times voicing your opinion on matters is similar to speaking to a brick wall. Though we can not always change the way that someone thinks, acts, and/or feels about us, we can always know our own worth. That is what has helped and is still helping me overcome  unrealistic expectations, judgement, and stereotypes that I have personally encountered throughout my life.

If you are going through a hard time, if someone is making you feel less than you are, or if you read something is immensely discouraging; remember your worth. Before you consider media standard's and others opinions... know who you are, what you stand for, and what you work hard for in life - that is your worth.

PS: About 5 minutes after I published this post, I saw this headline. This is one of the things I am talking about:



... funny that we have to prove that as women get older they're not "invisible". 

19 comments

  1. Thank you so much for posting this! I'm 32 & currently not married, nor do I have kids, up until the past few years my career has always been first. Now that I want to settle down I find it hard to find someone. But I digress that's not why I am leaving a comment.

    Everytime I go home (I am from a small town in Michigan where people get married & have families young). I am constantly asked if I am dating anyone. My brother in law actually went to the point of asking me if I even want kids. I was so thrown off, irritated & appalled by his question. I'm 32, not married, not currently dating anyone & don't have children of my own so that MUST mean in todays society that I don't want children right?!

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  2. Getting married in the next year has me thinking about so much of this. I am lucky to have found someone who fully believes that marriages take work, and that the person you are on the inside is the most attractive part of a woman, but I still feel insecure about my future post child, slow metabolism self. I really don't understand how so many modern relationships work. Sex, money, fashion, make up is that really what we need to be with someone? To be successful in our careers? I understand there is a need for professionalism, but there is such a huge push for even professionalism to be sleezy. Why should sex be random? What about connection and dare i say it actually love? and feelings? Why are all those women past a certain age ignored. They are the ones with the wisdom, the children, the money, the success. They have been their and done it, and why do we put them down? They should be prided and raised up and shown as examples. Ugh I just have so much to say on this.

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    1. I love this. I know. I am with you. I always thought I would be young. How ignorant to even say that because aging is inevitable; but I never thought I would grow up (my childhood had many ups and downs so I wanted to grow up so fast to get away from it. Now that I have "grown" up, I think about and fear these things. I can't believe how so much of it is put down. I completely agree with what you say, it should be used not only as an example to younger people; but HOPE. All we can do I guess is start with how we ourselves think, support, and believe.

      PS: responding publicly instead of via email in case others want to discuss.

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  3. I have enjoyed this post so much that I began following you 1/2 way through my read :)

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  4. Liz, you are a beautiful woman and will make a guy very happy. When you meet him you will know and feel it in your heart without a doubt that he's the one And it's an amazing feeling. You're an inspiration to alot of woman. You rock. Dont rush finding a man just b/c others are finding there's. God is out there still planing your love story.

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  5. Love this! It is so hard in today's society for anyone I think. With the news being selective to what it reports, people on social media bashing one another in comments about things that have nothing to do with the actual post they are commenting on, magazines airbrushing EVERYONE (even babies and dogs) and the constant battle to "be perfect." It is so important to know what you want, who you are, and to not settle for less than you deserve.

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  6. It enrages me when women think they are equal in this world. Ladies, you are far from equal, and evidence of that is absolutely everywhere. Appearance is the tip of the iceberg.

    I've earned and lived every bit of my age, and if that makes me no longer attractive to certain parts of society, oh well.

    We could make a bigger step towards equality if we weren't so hard on each other as women - if we supported each other more, raised each other up, and were honest without being hurtful when some come to Jesus honesty is called for. If we told each other to stop lying about our ages, that we are beautiful at any age, that the work we are doing on the inside of ourselves is truly shining through to the outside.

    There are still too many of us who find our self worth in the eyes of other people. If you don't love yourself and know your value to this world, it doesn't matter how other people love you.

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  7. Great post, Liz! So so great! This is definitely something I have been thinking about a lot lately too- ESPECIALLY with the double standards. I am really working on defining my self worth and being able to not let others change how I feel about it but it is so tough with social media. I also can't stand how I am successful in my job, own my own home, yet the most important thing everyone thinks about me is that I am engaged...

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  8. Funny. I've been thinking about this aging issue a lot lately, because I am about to turn 46 and perhaps it's all internal, but I sometimes DO feel invisible now. I used to be noticed (I still am by men) but women are the ones who have changed how they see me, I think. I am not valued for my wisdom or life experience, but am devalued because I have decidedly become who I really am and do not follow a trend. Sometimes I wonder if I am too old to have valuable input--then I realize that is all bullsh*t. I value myself a great deal, and will sparingly share my knowledge with those who value me. =D

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  9. It is so crazy the amount of people who think it is okay to cheat, publicly judge others, try to push their standards on others. It makes me so mad, and sad. I guess we can truly only focus on our actions but I am glad you are putting it out there for others to think about so hopefully they think before they act.

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  10. I loved reading this post! I hope it encourages people to think before they speak!

    Jill
    dousedinpink.blogspot.com

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  11. This post is everything! Those quotes are vile and Im not sure why people feel the need to open their mouths and speak when they have nothing good to say. Thanks for putting this out there!

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  12. This hits home with me because by knowing your worth you also know yourself! No one should be able to define who are you and by knowing yourself no one would ever be able to bring you down to a level you don't want to be at!

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  13. The ones who make such vile comments don't have the balls to talk like this and be true to themselves when faced with others beyond the keyboard.

    It's so easy to be bold and brave behind a screen since there isn't a whole lot of consequences for saying such actions. But karma is one broad you don't want to mess with!

    It disheartens me too to see WOMEN be so harsh on each other. "Oh she's a tramp" "What a whore" "what a skank" "what a slutbag"...then you KNOW those are the same ones that preach "female empowerment". Guys will call a girl "fat" "ugly" and make degrading remarks on her looks but then wonder why the "nice girls" don't exist.

    Although, I think if you truly believe someone is doing something wrong and they post it, it's okay to point it out in an intelligent manner but to put others down like that is just childish and immature.

    Great post!

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  14. Thank you so much for sharing thse things and your profound thoughts! It truly amazes me that people allow others to define their worth - so sad!

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  15. I dont think cheating is the norm I was cheated on pretty much my entire marriage. It makes you feel worthless and ugly. It was only when I found myself did I realize that it didnt make me worthless or ugly, it was the person I was married to.

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  16. Unfortunately on Social media this has become the norm. I see bloggers and vloggers getting attacked for how they look and even what they eat. It's a crazy society we live in today. I also agree that social media can make it easier for people to cheat on their mates. But, it is the person behind the screen that is causing it not social media itself. It just makes it easier for people to do what they would normally do. I also think when it comes to social media sometimes these trolls forget that bloggers, vloggers, and others using social media are real people with real feelings. I'm 27 and a few years ago even one year ago I wanted to get married so bad. I felt like my time was running out. Now, I realize I probably won't get married until I'm in my 30's if I ever get married. And actually I'm learning to be okay with that. If I do great if not then it is just not meant to be. I'm sure I will when the time is right.

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