"Pretty, Lies": An Introduction (and Excerpt) to My Book

Disclaimer: Grab a cup of coffee or cocktail before you read this. You may need it. 

We all have dreams. We all have goals. We all have feelings and intuitions in regards to our life's purpose. Have you ever felt like you were meant to do something? That is how I feel when it comes to writing. 

I am not ridiculously talented at anything in life that would cause me to immensely standout amongst any crowd. I do not have an IQ that is so exceptional, it enabled me to receive scholarships to a top ivy league school. I do not come from background or family that has a prodigious amount of money. When I think about it, I am just an ordinary girl who has extraordinary dreams. 

I may not have any outstanding qualities or circumstances that could instantly catapult me  to success the way I want it, but I do have a strong mind that is constantly willing to learn, an understanding of hard work and what is required of me, and a heart that though it has been broken and bruised, never gives up. Those qualities are enough to provide me hope; which in my opinion, is the foundation if you want to accomplish anything.

I have dreams of growing Fitness Blondie to be the number 1 destination for all things health, fitness, and weight loss. More so, I want my blog to always be a place where you find hope and inspiration. Health is something so many of us struggle with for our entire lives; and I do not just mean in weight loss. Mental health... emotional health. Self-esteem. All of those issues are related. I want this website to be a resource where you can find ideas, have a laugh, get that bit of motivation to say "OK, I will go to the gym", connect with other people-- make new friends, and know that there is someone out there who genuinely enjoys seeing people happy and will do everything possible to help. Also, I still want to chronicle random and fun things about my everyday life. After all, I call this place my online scrapbook. I read my old posts often and cherish even the most mundane of memories. 

Fitness Blondie will be the launching pad. Additionally, I want to write books. I have so many stories and ideas that I want to tell. If everything comes together full circle and I do become successful, the last thing I want to do is travel and give motivational speeches. I have an entrepreneurial spirit and all three of my big goals are directly related. 

So there are my hopes and dreams. Of course there are a plethora of details on how I plan to execute these visions, but at least that provides an overview so I hopefully make sense in my actions and words. 

I think I am doing OK thus far with my blog. I have been writing for 14 months with a couple of small breaks due to unfortunate circumstances. I try to do a good mix of posts, be consistent, and always authentic. However, you can't force someone to like you, so I do what I can, and the rest is up to fate. I am still in the middle of my weight loss journey with 25 more pounds to lose, which I am continuing by clean eating and following my exercise regimen. In the meantime, I work a full-time job that enables me to have a roof over my head and food on my table.

With all of that being listed and said, in March I started planning my first book called Fearless. It is to be a memoir in depth about my life with recipes not shown on the blog, specific details on different workout plans I have created throughout the years, etc. I was well into writing, but then I realized I am not ready. I am not as fearless as I want to be yet. I am still developing. Nor do I feel like my story in life has been written enough for me to share. So I put it on hold. To be frank, I do not feel worthy to write Fearless just yet. Keyword: yet. I go back to the drawing board to think about what I am going to do next. Finally, last month, I knew the book I needed to write. 

So that is where I am right now. This is the "sneak peak" and the announcement. It feels deeply intimate to be sharing this; I feel as if I am standing naked in front of crowd. I know some are going to think my book synopsis is stupid and that I will never be published or make it, and that is alright. It is to be expected when you open yourself up to the world. 

As far as the logistics on my book, I do not really have any... yet. I have a good friend who is lawyer that is going to help, and I am in speaking with a person who has a career in the industry. I am receiving a bit of guidance and I am learning. 

I hope to finish the book by the end of September. I am not one to say I am going to do something and then not do it. I may not finish it by the deadline, and if I don't, it will certainly be by October. I work well under pressure, but I do not want to burn out. I still have a full-time job, this blog, 25 pounds to lose, and an apartment and cat to take of. Ha. But I am working hard. Because right now, it is do or die. I'm making sacrifices. I do not know what I will do about publishing. There are a lot of different avenues and possibilities, thus I will carefully access all choices that could be available for me. 

I'm scared. Honestly, I am so damn scared. There are so many celebrities who "write" books and people who are "better" than me who write; so why would anyone want to publish or read what I have to say? What if they laugh at me for thinking I could possibly make this dream a reality? What if people think I am delusional for thinking a dream like this could be plausible? Thoughts like that are coursing through my mind every step of the way. However this time, that's not going to stop me. This time, I'm going to be fearless and try. 

Over the next couple of months, I want to periodically share excerpts and updates on the book and how the process is progressing. I may share a specific senario, quote, or paragraph; it will vary. I just want to keep it interesting, get the word out, try to spread it, and receive any feedback or comments anyone may have.

Here goes nothing. 

Know Your Worth

A good quality that I have is... I think. I study. I am open-minded. I am inquisitive. A bad quality I have is... I over think a lot. I believe what I over think most about is human behavior. This prompted me to major in Forensic Psychology in college because I am utterly fascinated by why people believe what they do, and why they do what they do. The media is probably what intrigues me most, namely social media. 

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, blogs, etc. enable news and opinions to reach large audiences in an expeditious amount of time. This is helpful and convenient, but it is also disheartening. Everyone voices their opinion on articles, pictures, statuses-- and anyone can say whatever they want. They can also do this anonymously or behind a fake avatar. 

The older I get, the more I pay attention to the world's [media] opinion on women. I see a plethora of comments degrading women as they grow older and/or after having children. The stigma's are endless: women are only beautiful and desirable in their youth, women are only taken seriously if they look and dress a certain way, women need to ensure they engage in this and this to please a man or else he will leave or cheat. My list could go on (to no one's surprise). Being young and blissful enabled me to never give a prolonged thought about these opinions, but now that I am getting older, I find myself disgusted at times by things I read. 

Below are just a few statements I have heard or read on media outlets, social media, and/or have been said about me personally:

I read and see things written like this everyday. The media and the world is hard on everyone: men, women, black, white, young, and old. Everyone has issues they encounter on a daily basis-- no race or gender is exempt. Comments and posts about women just hit me specifically because, well I am one. Due to today's prodigious amounts of news outlets, magazines, television and reality shows, social media platforms, and so on, it is more imperative to know your worth and define yourself and value by your own standards.

Part of the reason why I am so adamant about finding happiness within yourself and firmly believe happiness is a choice, is because of how these degrading and disheartening opinions are voiced. Maybe the world has always been this way, but due the readily accessible information and opinions about everything, it is easier to see it.

This has made me come to the realization that I need to be strong.

How profound that must sound, right?

I realize I need to be stronger than I initially thought. I truly need to realize and know my worth. This is me "practicing what I preach write". If I feel like others need to know their worth, I first have to know my own.

Here are thoughts I have on issues that I feel hit me directly: 

Men are so much sexier with age; yet women just become ugly, crazy, and undesirable. This scares me. I am 25 years old and I want to find my life partner just as much as anyone else. However, I do not know when that will happen nor do I feel as if this is something I would ever want to rush or settle for. Nor is it something I feel like my life needs to revolve around. Due to the fact that I am growing older, will that make me become less desirable? Do I need to rush out and find someone now so I do not die alone? 

I know my worth: I am more than a body. I am more than skin. Just because I have not settled down does not mean I am undesirable and/or crazy; it just means I have not found the right person yet. It means that I take relationships and marriage seriously, and I would rather be alone that settle for anything less that what feels meant for me. It shows that I can be alone and be OK until the time is right.

I hope that one day those qualities will be able to triumph the wrinkles I may have on my face.

 Because I enjoy wearing makeup, I look like a "hooker" and will never be taken seriously. Why does makeup appear to so easily define a person's morals or values? If one wears makeup they must be covering insecurities or trying to hide themselves. If one wears too much makeup, they have to be sleazy, easy, and stupid. 

Sexy is subjective; that is the best thing about it. Sexy does not have to mean nudity or sex. Sexy also means appealing and/or exciting. I find makeup sexy, and it it something I enjoy. I know I look fine without it. I look younger without it, and I do not always wear it. I consider makeup an art and my face a canvas. Makeup is how I express myself. This stigma that comes with wearing makeup, tattoos, piercings, and/or colorful hair (for example when I had red streaks) is frustrating. Just because a woman enjoys feeling sexy and/or wearing makeup does not mean she lacks morals, values, and a brain. This may sound absolutely unheard of, but it is entirely possible to have all of those qualities. 

This when I have to know my worth. I know that I am more than the makeup on my face-- and sure, I could change it... but then I would be changing something that I love to do, and express myself with, so the world will look at me differently. I refuse to do that, so I have to be strong, understand the judgement and stereotype that comes along with it, and know my worth. I can only hope that maybe by reading my words, someone out there will judge someone less critically because they have a different physical appearance. 

Cheating is the norm these days. It just happens -- we see it so often that it is not a big deal anymore. Because of social media, lines are so easily crossed with inappropriate picture comments, posted pictures, and private messages. For anyone married, in a relationship, or battling this: know you worth. If there is ever something that that can make you feel so worthless, it's being cheated on. Am I not beautiful enough? Am I not desirable? Do I not do enough? Why did I cause someone to engage in this behavior? It's not you, it's them. Men and women who are labeled as the most beautiful on earth have been cheated on. Sometimes people are selfish. Sometimes people make compulsive decisions without thinking of the consequences. That is not your problem; it's theirs. That is when you have to remember to know your worth.

To be frank, relationships in the day and age really do scare me. So often people never seemed satisfied. So often people to seem to only care about sex -- the quantity of partners seem to matter; not the quality, chemistry, and connection someone has with one person. We can easily keep in touch with ex-partners, share racy photos of ourselves to strangers, secretly text on applications that hide phone numbers... it is so easy in this world to not be in love or take relationships and vows seriously. If you put your heart and soul into someone, and it is not reciprocated, you deserve better because you obviously value the relationship your in. Value is worth, and your worth is more than that.

Those are just a few of the issues I am touching on, because the stigmas people attach to issues similar to those above are endless. This blog post could go on for days. This is just the beginning of my understanding of growing older. 

It is hard to change the way that people think. Often times voicing your opinion on matters is similar to speaking to a brick wall. Though we can not always change the way that someone thinks, acts, and/or feels about us, we can always know our own worth. That is what has helped and is still helping me overcome  unrealistic expectations, judgement, and stereotypes that I have personally encountered throughout my life.

If you are going through a hard time, if someone is making you feel less than you are, or if you read something is immensely discouraging; remember your worth. Before you consider media standard's and others opinions... know who you are, what you stand for, and what you work hard for in life - that is your worth.

PS: About 5 minutes after I published this post, I saw this headline. This is one of the things I am talking about:

... funny that we have to prove that as women get older they're not "invisible".