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It has been a really weird week (Friday 5)

February 7, 2014

We are at another Friday. Thank goodness. One of my best friends is coming down to stay the weekend with me, which of course I am excited about, but I am most excited about sleeping in. (Ha, love you Jen!) This week has been okay, but just... odd. I think it's mainly due to my own mental state. I can be pretty crazy, I suppose.

Sunday night, (1)I got an email from my step-mom telling me my dad is not doing well. My father has been battling cancer since basically 2006. It isn't curable, it is in his bones and keeps spreading. In November he started having really bad seizures. The doctor's did MRI's and found a brain tumor. To me, that was not a huge deal. He also had a brain tumor in September of 2011, the doctor's removed it via surgery, and dad lead a mostly normal life. That was all they would need to do again. He went in for surgery the week before last and the doctor's could not remove the tumor. The MRI was wrong (that only happens 15% of the time - my family's luck) and the tumor was too far into his brain to be removed. Since the surgery he keeps going back to Duke for more and more tests. As of right now, there are not a lot of options to help him and he continues to have seizures regularly. 

That broke me down. I have never had to deal with death before. I am 24 years old and my father is dying of cancer and my mother is sick with MS - both incurable. And I'm getting really damn bitter. I'm single, live alone, have no partner to be my rock during these times, and I was getting so mad at God. I'm too young to lose them. My father will most likely never walk me down the aisle or see a grandchild (I am his only child). It's just really hard. However, instead of asking "why me", I have to look at is "why not me". This is life. This free will... things like this happen. And I know there a lot of people out there who have never had parents or lost their parents way before I will. I know many, many people have it much worse than I do, it's just hard to look at the big picture like that sometimes. I apologized for blaming God and I am just trying to be the best daughter I can. My dad loves "The Beatles" so I have a DVD on the way to his house for him. I'm sure that will make him cheer up, at least a little.

That's all I want to say about that. I hate even talking about it on my blog. I just really think that is what threw me off this week. You guys have been so supportive and loving and I really appreciate it. Moving on...

(2) I am still trucking along on my weight loss journey. Finally I am starting to feel differences in my clothing. For a while I noticed differences naked and on the scale, but clothes - not so much. I am wearing shirts and jeans that have been put a way for a long time. I am really excited about the below white shirt. I love to wear white, but when my stomach and arms became bigger, I avoided it like the plague. I go for my weigh in later today and truth be told, I will be happy to be down a pound. I wanted to completely kick ass this week, but it didn't happen. I did good, but not as good as I should have.



Tuesday morning, I was still an emotional mess. My adorable angel, Marty was being so clingy. I could not get ready without him rubbing up against my legs wanting attention. (3) I was an awful mom. I was getting irritated with him and yelled at him because he almost tripped me up. On my way to work, I was in tears because I yelled at him. Am I psycho or what? It was eating away at me because I love my cat so much and I would never yell at him. I went home on my lunch and played with him then bought him catnip. When I got home from the gym Tuesday night, I let the water run from the sink (his favorite in the world) extra long as well. I think he has since forgiven me.



Wednesday I was a (4) I was so proud of my steal at GNC. As a lot of my fitness girls know, Quest Bar now has a new flavor out: cookies and cream. I for one am obsessed with it. It is absolutely delicious. So of course I needed to add a few to my stash at work. They were buy 3 get 1 free, my pre-workout (Lipo 6x black - I hate taking powder) was on sale, I had a $10 off my total purchase coupon, and they gave me a lot of free samples! I saved so much money. I was extremely proud! I love saving money, ha!



All of that prompted for a kick ass work out at the gym later. I started core workout's twice a week a couple of weeks ago, and I am really pleased at how strong I am getting. I stopped doing core work for a long time. There is no real reason as to why I stopped, but I know I needed to get back to it. Planks are becoming easier and I go longer... it's been a great feeling.


(5)Yesterday I had my 90-day review with my HR mentor and my boss. It is hard to believe that I have been with my company for 90 days. Do you guys remember me telling you the incredible story of how I even came about this job? If not, read it here. It was really and truly fate and God's work. My boss took me out to a delicious lunch, we had the review, and things are great. This job saved me in many ways. Even if some of my employee's are mad at me because the new shipment of paper towels does not have designs on them! (I am not even joking)

I got my booty up bright and early this morning to get some cardio before work. My best friend and I hate working out first thing but we pushed through!


I have my vitamin injection and weigh in at 12:45 so wish me luck, After work, I am getting in a lift session at the gym, then wait for Jen to get into town. Don't forget to link up today! I hope you guys have a great weekend! 

22 comments

  1. One of my best friends father died of similar circumstances early on in college, heer mother has a number of allergies and lupis, and she is an only child. It was extremely hard for her, but over the years she has developed into one of the strongest people I know. I'm terribly sorry ot hear about your hardships but know that it will be ok in the end. It will, I promise.

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  2. You are like....gettin' so skinny! Haha in June you'll be a waif in a triangle bikini with like seventy-five pin up guys around you. Just sayin'.

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  3. Hang in there sweetheart. You are in my thoughts & prayers & I know you are a strong woman!!! You are looking sexy & I can't wait to feel this same way.. I never heard of this pre workout.. maybe I should try it as the C4 does NOT work for me... tell me your secrets to get up early?? I just need to quit making excuses & just do it because I am tired of starting over.. So happy to hear you are loving your job - I know alot changed for you in a short amount of time but you are amazing!!! Happy Friday & hope you have a beautiful weekend!

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  4. So sorry you are dealing with so much. Hope you get to spend as much time with your Dad as you can. Marty understands and totally forgives you. You are looking so fabulous! Love those jeans! Rock it girl! Have fun with Jen this weekend!

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  5. Oh my love - I am sorry to hear about your parents. It's tough when we get older and realize that they're not going to be around forever. Try to focus on the positive and make sure to spend lots of time with them letting them know that you love them.

    I am TOTALLY the same with wearing white! My ma has always drummed it into my that when you're bigger, you can NEVER wear light colors - hence my mostly black wardrobe.

    Enjoy your weekend beautiful!

    xoxo,
    TW

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  6. I'm so sorry to hear about your family going through so much. Try to stay positive and strong. It will not only help you get through it, but help you spend this time with your family in better ways, so you have good memories (It can be easy to get caught up in sadness---at least it is for me) . I see you got a sample of the Beauty Burst @ GNC. I have been tempted to try them because my skin has been sooooo dry. Could you reply or post something about the flavor/texture?

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  7. I am so sorry about your parents sweet pea!! I will be praying for them!!! God has a divine plan sweet girl, just trust him & lean on Him. It's hard to deal with things on this earth sometimes and that is why we have to just give it to God. That is something that has been heavy on me this week. I get SO upset about things that are out of my control and i am really trying this week to just give it to God and not worry. On another note, Marty is absolutely hilarious surrounded with his cat nip and then with his water...SO CUTE!!!!! I love it!!!! And you are looking just as gorgeous as ever!!!! Have a fabulous weekend!!!!

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  8. Oh I'm so sorry. That is/has to be one of the hardest things ever. :(
    But great job kicking bootie in the gym girl.

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  9. I am going to be real for a quick second. I am not super strong in my religion or anything like that but I honestly and truly believe that God does not put you through anything if you aren't able to get through it. You are stronger than you think you are. You just keep enjoying your time and making memories.

    You are such a freaking rock star with your work outs. The best feeling ever is when you fit back into something you weren't able to for awhile!

    I hope you have a great weekend with your friend!

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  10. :( i'm so sorry that your parents aren't well; it's alway so devastating when that happens. try to stay strong.

    as for your workouts - keep it up! i love me some core work :)

    kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  11. I'm sorry you're going through so much right now. I wish I was there to give you some hugs. :/ I'm glad your friend is coming to see you, I hope that offers you some comfort. And I'm sure Marty forgives you! :)

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  12. I definitely can relate to this post. Last year was awful for me since two cousins and my uncle were all diagnosed with different forms of cancer and then my mom had heart complications on Christmas Eve. It's so hard, but like you said "that's life." You're so amazing for staying strong and focused on your goals instead of breaking down and giving up (although crying and letting it all out by watching a chick flick or something always seems to help). Sending big hugs your way!

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  13. Visiting from the link up. I have heard a lot about these quest bars, I am not a fitness person so I don't understand what they do but they look good! :)

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  14. Sending some positive thoughts and prayers!

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  15. I am so sorry to hear about what's going on with your family. I will be thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way! Your cat is so precious and obviously thinks you are the BEST cat mom ever!

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  16. I've had days when my dog got in trouble for something as I was leaving for work, then I felt AWFUL all day over it. You aren't crazy ;) So sorry to hear about your day. I will be thinking of you and saying a little prayer for you.

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  17. Hugs for you sweetie! I hope your family is not in pain. My Dad loves the Beatles too, so sweet of you to send a DVD.
    I was stretching the other morning after my work out and accidentally KICKED my cat. She was so scared and ran and hid under the bed. I felt so bad!!

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  18. I have lost both parents and my only sibling. I say this not to make any comparisons, as everyone's story is their own and pain is pain. I just wanted to let you know that you will get through whatever is coming and you can come out on the other end one strong assed woman who knows exactly what she wants from life. Hugs.

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  19. Oh sweetheart I am so sorry. You are to young, your right. My son is 21 and the thought of him being alone just breaks my heart. You hang in there and your attitude is amazing, it really is!

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  20. I am so sorry about your Dad honey. I am thinking of you and sending you and your family warm loving thoughts filled with hope. *hugs*
    But love that your seeing a difference in your body in clothes, go you!!

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