I am too fat. I hate my hair. I hate my eyes. I hate my clothes. I hate my makeup. I hate the way I laugh. I am not smart enough. I am not sexy enough. I am not smart. I do not make enough money. I do not clean enough. I do not cook enough. I need better style.
My question: when does this end?
When do we as women stop hating ourselves, comparing ourselves to celebrities, and beating ourselves up? I know that I can honestly say I am so guilty of that. I used to measure me as a person, by my looks. I was only happy with myself when I looked good. I was only worthy of attention or praise, when I looked good. That is probably one of the most unhealthiest ways to view yourself in life. I should love every part of me, not just my looks.
I think the second phase of my weight loss journey has taught me a lot more than when I initially lost weight when I was 19. I am now almost 25 years old; I am more aware, I have been through more than I thought I could possibly go through, and I have just simply grown up.
Losing weight takes a lot of inner strength. When a person's loses weight, you commend them on their body. "Wow your body looks so good", "Wow you look incredible" - it is all about the looks. In actuality there is a lot more to that. Losing weight takes determination and motivation. It takes scarifies and a lot of times choosing the road less traveled. It takes a lot of self discipline to change your entire way of eating and daily routines.
For the first time... I think ever, I love myself. I am confident, even though I am not perfect. And I am proud of myself. I have spent my entire life beating myself up and telling myself why I am not good enough and why I hate myself today. I have one body, one mind, and one soul. I not only want to take care of them, I want to love them.
I love myself and I am proud of myself because:
-I openly share my weaknesses with the entire world and I can take the criticism or negativity that comes with it. If I help just one person or prevent one person from making the same mistakes I have, it's worth it.
-I have been consistently hiking and I feel myself getting stronger by the day. It was initially so hard for me to do this, but now I am climbing mountains without stopping and even with speed walking.
-People have made fun of my eccentric hair and makeup choices, and yet I never change.
-I am fitting into clothes that I have not been able to wear in over a year.
-I am able to lift heavier weights and go longer and much harder on cardio because I am stronger.
-I have been able to get over heartbreak that had the potential to kill me and I have gotten over it alone.
-I have been facing new challenges at work and taking on more responsibilities.
-I have come to accept the gap in my teeth and think of it as a trademark. It's actually kind of grown on me.
-I am able to control portions when I eat and I have not touched fast food in over 6 months.
-I am friendly, outgoing person. I look for the good in everyone.
-I always try to give people compliments. Words are powerful. If you like or admire something about someone, say it.
-I have taught myself to always think positively and that my life is in my control. Thus, I live a full, rich life with a constant smile on my face and love in my heart.
-I have grown to appreciate my natural big legs and butt. As a child I loathed it. I had a big butt and legs even when I just a child. My mom has freakishly muscular legs, even though she has MS and hasn't exercised in 15 years. My dad has a huge butt for a male. Truly, it is genetics that has a part. Now, I love it and do not care that I will never be "skinny".
If you want to leave a comment about what I have written, that is great. But I challenge you, leave a comment and tell me things you love and admire about yourself. I want to know. Or you can write a blog entry like I have and maybe we can have a day where everyone links up. Let's get some self love and positivity in ourselves... there can never be too much.