Hanging by a thread

WARNING: This post will consist of complaining, being emotional, and crying through my words. Read at your own risk.

This week is draining me.

I thought I was tired two weeks dealing with Divisional Meetings at my job. Ha. This week makes that week look like a vacation. 

As you guys probably know, I lost 8 pounds last week. I am experimenting with a new weight loss plan, and I really enjoy it, but it is hard. And I need hard. I have slacked off most of the year, so now it is time to work. I am OK with that, but it is still hard. Part of my nutrition is low carbohydrates. I am talking extremely low; maybe 20g a day, at that. It will not be like this for long, for right now it is. 

That alone will make one feel like a zombie.

I move Saturday, and I am working all week. I work 8-5. I have a "desk job" at a "corporate place" but I am never ask my desk. I run around our office the entire day. Our office occupies 75% of the fourth floor in a corporate building so it is really big. All day long I run around, answer the door (which alone is constant), manage/inventory our two huge break rooms, assist my President and 2 other executives, take care of accounting, checks, and be the "office mom" for the other 35 people in the office. It is all part of the job and I love it, but this week it is draining the life out of me. Every time I turn around I have 3 people coming up to me with questions, concerns, tasks, and I just feel like I cannot keep up. And that really bothers me. It really makes me psycho because I want to do a great job and when I feel like I am not keeping up, it breaks my heart.

Today one of my co-workers was standing at my desk talking to me and I was so deliriously tired that I had no idea what she said. She talked to me for at least 2-3 minutes and I completely zoned out. I looked up at her finally and just bluntly told her "I literally did not just hear a word you said". 

After work, I just want to go home, shut off all of the lights and wrap myself under my covers in bed. But no, I go to the gym. Since my caloric intake is low and my carbohydrate even lower, I am not working out as hard. I still have to train though. Me not working out is like someone not breathing. It just doesn't happen. It has taken every ounce of strength and faith to push through my training this week. That is even with taking Monday off.

Finally, I get home. I immediately throw myself into packing. I have a one bedroom condo and I am moving into a one bedroom apartment, so why do I have so much freaking crap! And for me to have so much crap, I keep making lists of items I am going to need for my new place! I started packing Sunday and have packed every night, but damn I feel like I am not even making a dent.

After I pack I go take a quick shower and I am so tired and sore that I can barely even lift my arms to wash myself. The thought of shampooing and conditioning my hair and shaving makes me cringe. I am roughing it and I don't care. If winning a beauty pageant was a life or death situation for me this week, I would gladly hand whomever a gun.

When I get out of the shower, I finally make a small dinner - inhale it, then lay out my clothes for the next day, make sure meals for work are packed, and everything is cleaned and straightened up. 

After that is finished, I get 20 minutes to sit on the couch and stare blankly at the TV, because at this point I am not even sure what my name is. And the next thing I know it is 10:30 and I need to get in bed because 6:00 AM comes early.

It has been such a hard week, I am in tears writing this. I am just so tired. I know I may sound crazy, but I am just venting. This is me. I am one part awesome and 594 parts crazy. It's almost 8:30 and I am going to get in bed. I need to forget this day, put on my game face, and push through the next couple of days. Saturday is almost here. My goal is to see the good in everything going on and make the best out of the situation. At least I am working hard towards something better.

Marty is staring at me as I write this blog entry, he makes everything worth it, too. 

My Top 5 Weight Loss Must Haves!

On my weekly weekend recap, I happily reported that I lost 5 pounds this past week.

However, I lied. 

When I went to my doctors appointment this afternoon, I was actually informed I lost 8.2 pounds.

Um... AWESOME!

I can not wait to write all about my plan and what I am doing, but I need about seven more weeks before I can, so bare with me. I am doing some trial and error and experimenting. 

Last week, I had a complete blood panel done. Basically a physical. I have been honest about my weight struggle this year. I do not really want to go in a lot of detail on this entry, but basically January through April my body was put through hell. Pair the physical pain with mental and emotional, and it resulted in me "letting myself" go for a while.

You see, I have lost over 100 pounds. My journey first started in September of 2008 when I was 19 years old. Here is the thing though: the journey never ends. Just because you lose a significant amount of weight, does not mean the journey is finished. It is a complete lifestyle change. I did a great job of keeping it off until earlier this year. 

Since obtaining my new job at the end of October and making some big changes in my life, I have been a lot happier. Actually not just "a lot happier", but unbelievably happy. I almost feel like a brand new person. I tell some people I have been "reborn". Thus, I have picked myself up, dusted myself off, and now I am back at kicking ass and finishing getting the weight off that I have gained this year - all 34 pounds of it. I am down 8 right now - that is a start.

Gaining a significant amount of weight this year made me really worry about my health. My heart, blood pressure, cholesterol, thyroid, and most of all, possibly obtaining diabetes. Well, I am elated to say that when I went to my follow-up appointment today everything was perfect. I am in tip-top health. I definitely did not expect that. I thought maybe I have screwed my thyroid up from gaining weight, that I was in danger to develop diabetes, and that my blood pressure would be through the roof. To be honest, I was just scared that I had completely thrown my health away. That is how low I have felt this year.

Since health and fitness are the two of the biggest parts of my life, I thought I would share my current top 5 must haves to help aid in my journey! I would also leave to hear what you guys use as well. What has helped you? Please feel free to leave your tips in the comments below. We all need support and advice!

1.) Coconut Oil

As crazy as this sounds. I eat one tablespoon of this a day. I literally put a tablespoon in the jar, scoop it out, and force myself to eat it. It really does not have must of a taste. I think most of the struggle is mental. Initially my mind wants to think it's butter so I almost gag eating it, but then when I taste it, I am fine. Of course you can also cook with it! Use it as a non-stick spray. The benefits of coconut oil will literally astound you! I buy mine at Earthfare and I also know it can be found at Trader Joe's and Whole Foods. Click here to read all about the amazing benefits!

2) Quest Protein Bars

These bars save me from hunger and when I am go-go-go, which is 95% of the time. You truly have to be careful about the protein bars that you eat. Most of them are NOT better than candy bars, literally 90% of protein bars out there have more sugar than candy bars! They also can be loaded with additives. Quest Bars have 21g of protein which is perfect as a meal replacement. I eat 6 "small" meals a day and a Quest Bar paired with an apple is ALWAYS my meal #2. Furthermore Quest Bars have 21g of carbohydrates and 17 of those is dietary fiber. That is fantastic! 80% of people do not get enough fiber in their diets so this is a great source. To show you how even more amazing Quest Bars are, most of them have just 1g of sugar. Not to mention the taste. They are absolutely delicious. And I say that as a picky eater. My top two favorites are chocolate chip cookie dough and white chocolate raspberry. I buy them at GNC mostly. You can buy them by the box or as singles! GNC always has a special on them as well -- buy 3 get 1 FREE! They can also be ordered online on Quest Bar's website. 

3) Vitamin B12 Injections

This may sound a little odd, but it isn't. Instead of taking a vitamin B12 pill, I opt to get an injection. Naturally, a persons body does not absorb a "pill" as well as it does an injection directly into the blood stream. Vitamin B12 Injections have changed my life. However, they do not cause weight loss. What B12 does is improve your overall well being. I am NEVER fatigued at work anymore. I am able to handle stress and pressure easily, my mood is constantly stable and positive, and I simply feel so much better. I work out in the evenings and sometimes I am exhausted by the time 5 o'clock rolls around. I work in a corporate office environment, but I am the Office Manager. That means I NEVER sit down. I run around all day, so some days the last thing I want to do  is go to the gym when I get off of work. Oh, and you can forget me getting up early to go workout. I hate morning workout's. B12 has helped me so much with that. I have a lot more energy and best of all that energy is not coming from sugar or caffeine. I get my injections at a place called "Medi Weight Loss". They are $10 a week there. Medi is national franchise with locations throughout the United States. I have heard a lot of people tell me they are also available at primary care doctors offices as well as other weight loss clinics. If you do not have a "Medi Weight Loss" clinic around you, I would search and call around for any wellness practices in your area. Another benefit; a lot of insurance companies cover the injections! Thankfully since my company has a "wellness" program, I get reimbursed for them. Check with your employer as well, it can't hurt!

4) My Health Journal and "Life" Planner

Aside from a strong mind, organization is one of the top 3 most important aspects of losing weight. I use my planner to record expenses, write grocery lists and meal ideas, appointments, goals, and more. I use it to list all of my thoughts. My planner was designed for it too! I bought it at Target for $20 and best of all, the dates are not printed in there, you write them. So if you buy it today, it starts today. Every health professional and doctor I have ever spoken with has told me how imperative recording your nutrition and workouts are and that if more people did and stuck with it, they would see such a difference. I use my journal to list out my daily nutrition and exercise. My journal is nothing but a simple pink notebook that I also bought at Target for around $1. One may think it is time consuming, but it really isn't. It takes me maybe 10-15 minutes a day. And lets face it, if you really want something, you will make time for it. Recording what I eat keeps me in check. It ensures I do not under or overeat, that I am consuming the adequate amount of proteins, fiber, etc. A lot of times, if you take the time to write your diet out, you would be surprised at how quickly calories can add up! By keeping myself prepared and organized, I stay on track and motivated. I have noticed that I always do better losing weight when I keep up with it in my journal. 

5) BCAA's.

BCAA's are "branched-chain amino acid's". YES! They are essential! These are amazing and must haves for ANYONE who engages in any type of exercise and/or physical activity. They do not cause you to gain weight  nor are they dangerous, they are solely for muscle recovery and they absolutely make a difference. They also help fatigue. I take two capsules after every training session and two in the morning when I first wake up. If I wake up tired, sore, and stiff in the morning, as soon as I take two of them, they make me feel like a new person. Branched-chain amino acids stimulate the building of protein in muscle and reduce muscle breakdown. Another interesting benefit of them is that they prevent faulty message transmission in the brain cells of people with advanced liver disease. I buy mine at GNC and order through Bodybuilding.com. 

The Very Merry Gobble til ya Wobble Weekend!

...Well actually, I did not gobble a lot, because I lost 5 pounds this week! I did not mean to lose that much, but I will so take it. 

Thanksgiving weekend for me started at 3PM on Wednesday. My President randomly walked up to me at one o'clock and told me I could leave early. Man, I will take it! You do not have tell me twice. Since I was able to leave early, I was even more excited to go kick some booty at the gym.

I had my game face on!

After, I picked up my favorite salad from Panera; the black and bleu.

aka "Heaven in a to-go box!"

Then a little shopping ensued. 

I love Ulta. They reward loyalty like no other. I bought those curlers and the foundation primer (shown on the left) and the total was over $50, however, with a coupon and my reward points, I saved $20 bucks! Then, all of the stuff you see pictured in front of those two items were free! I was stoked. I love being frugal.

The rest of the evening was spent packing for the weekend and my move that happens in 6 days!

Thursday morning, I woke up early, and hit the gym for 50 minutes of preventative damage control cardio, ha! It was a great workout. Afterwards it was time to get ready for the 3 hour drive back to my hometown.

Marty was not happy about me leaving. I wish cats loved to travel and were easy like dogs. It would make me going out of town so much easier. Sigh.

I was all decked out in my pink and black jumpsuit - pink for days!

I packed my survival kit and hit the road.

Electrolytes. protein bar, and protein shake are my must have roadies.

I arrived in my hometown around 5PM and stayed with my dad and step-mom. I spent time with my sister, her boyfriend, our neighbors, and we had a great time. My sister and step-mom are very big health nuts so we kept it easy food wise - turkey and roasted vegetables, but we did a delicious sweet potato pie. Since my dad has terminal cancer, I put away my phone and focused on spending time with him. I do not see him a lot, so when I do, I want to be as attentive as I can. 

Friday, I left my dads early then picked up my sister-in-law and nephew so we could all go to my mom's for my second round of Thanksgiving. When we arrived at my mom's, she watched my nephew so Amber and I could go see "Catching Fire". Wow that movie was SO damn good. However, I think my favorite part about the movie is all of the incredible fashion! I wanted every dress Katniss was in.

The movie was a lot longer than we thought so when got back to my mom's, it was time to have dinner. Oh my, it was so good. We had so much food!

The pool table makes he best Thanksgiving table, ha!

Me and Amber; my sister-in-law.

Mama and Amber!

My nephew using my suitcase as his own personal slide.

We had the best time! Also there was my step dad and his parents, my 2 step brothers Nick and Zack, and my brother Christian.

Saturday morning I left my mom's bright and early. I had to be back in Charlotte by noon to do a small project for my boss. I hit the gym, purchased groceries, then finally came home to a needy cat, and a mountain of things to do. I did two loads of laundry, dishes, prepped food, and made my weekly meal plan. Some Saturday night,  huh!

...but then Marty said "that's enough" and to rub him since I left him alone for two days.

Today mirrors yesterday, fun fun. I have been lazy this morning so I thought I would blog a bit. Next up is gym followed by more cleaning and packing. I am excited about my new place, but damn I hate moving! It's taking not only all of my money, but my time!

Dun, dun, dun...

Have a great week guys!

One jam-packed blog post! (about the week!)

Ooh, baby baby! This week is o-v-e-r! I have been up since 4 AM.

...and this girl does NOT do 4 AM.

Wednesday through today, my company was all in madness about our quarterly divisional meetings that ensued. I will try to explain this, but you may get confused. My company is owned by a holding group. The man who owns my company is the 168th wealthiest man in the entire universe. The 3rd wealthiest man in Canada. He is a big deal - he is our investor who buys companies and hires a President for each company to run it. There are many different companies that are apart of the holding company. For instance, I work for our publishing company. There is also a back office Administration company, wine business, automotive group, all of the Ripley's "Believe it or not" attractions, and we even own the "Guinness Book of World Records". Thus, four times a year, all of the Executives from each different business come together to show financial and business presentations. This quarter we were chosen to host. 

It was a busy, busy week. It's now Friday evening, I am on my couch writing a blog entry, resting, and I cannot think of anywhere else I would rather be. I ran around so much this week. Assisting my President, setting up for ALL of our events (that alone was a full time job), attending meetings, and still running my office. I wore my heart rate monitor this week because I was curious as to how much I was really running around - from Wednesday to Friday, 10-12 hour days each day, I walked nearly 17 miles. That is a LOT. All of that in my dress attire with full out hair, makeup, and jewelry... and heels. Oh, heels. I love you, but gosh you were killing my feet.

I had to keep my favorite quote at my desk, especially on a week like this. - keeps me positive!

My curls were cooperating this week for Wednesday - day one. And that is important to me. I love hot rollers and swear by them, but you never know what you're going to get. I was also double pleased because it really made the red in my hair come out. 

This is random but I love having those red streaks in my hair! It just completely sucks red fades so fast. At least I have a hair appointment on December 20th to spruce it back up!

Amidst the chaos and tiredness from work this week, I went by "Anna Linen's" last night. I picked out a new bedding set for my bed. I have had leopard and zebra print for years now and sadly, it is time to retire it.

I move into my new apartment two weeks from tomorrow and I could not be more excited. It is a one-bedroom, but it is really big, open, and spacious. It's almost 900 square feet. 

The theme for my new apartment is going to be old gothic and Victorian!

To go with my new decor, I needed new furniture for my bed and living room. Basically furniture wise, it will all be black. A lot of shiny blue, red, and white will be accented with everything. However, this can get pricey so I have to be frugal about it. Luckily, someone on Ebay was selling a black nightstand, black TV stand, and a small dresser - all for $100. After working all day today, I went by picked up the furniture from him, unloaded it and brought it up to my current apartment all. by. myself. I am pretty damn proud - just call me the energizer bunny!

Speaking of my new apartment, below are a few pictures of where I am moving. I am missing a lot of pictures like my built in bookcase that I love, but when I was touring the place, I was so excited that I did not take a lot of pictures.

When you first walk into the apartment, is a big opening with a coat closet that leads to a semi-long hallway, I like it. 

Standing on the edge of the hallway, there is a half view with some of the living room, dining area, and kitchen.

Another living room view, I love all of the windows. I have gorgeous curtains that will look fantastic on them!

View into the kitchen. I was so surprised, when I opened that pantry door you see below. It is a HUGE room - so much pantry space and a full size washer and dryer going in there. Now I understand why the room is quite small for the size of the apartment.

Bedroom: Because the living area is so big, the bedroom is paying for it. Between my king size bed, small dresser, and nightstand, I will not have room for much else.

So, thank goodness for big closets!

Partial bath area with nice garden tub.

I can't wait to be there. A short week at work is coming up, then Thanksgiving, then the next weekend, I will be moving. Lots of great things company up so it is nice to look forward to all of that. But for now, I am going to go pick up Panera for dinner then come back for a bubble bath and watch "The Dead Files" marathon. This girl is ready to veg out. Have a great weekend guys!