New Year. New You. New Start? The Choice is Yours.

Upon reading posts on Facebook, browsing pins on Pintrests, and seeing pictures on Instagram, I find that that "new years" often makes people cynical. There are those that mock the "new year, new me" mentality, and then there are people who are desperate for it. I see both sides. 

What I believe most about a "new year" is that nothing in your life will change or be different unless you are willing to work for it. Circumstances do not change unless you do.

Here we are six days into 2015. I feel tried. I am worn out from the holidays. Work has been as crazy and hectic as ever; and I find myself stating that constantly. I believe I need to come to the conclusion that is not going to change. Parallel to work, there was copious amounts of travel, lack of sleep, lots of food, and RLS flare-up's. 

I think a lot of us feel worn out from the holidays and sad that they are over. Therefore, a "new year" mentality is just the bit of hope to get one back on track and provide a goal to work and hope for. Right now, I need that. 

But then I remember that everyday is a new start if you give it that power. No matter how many times you have slipped on your diet, said "no" to a workout, bought that purse when you needed to save the money... everyday is another chance to get it right. Everyday is another chance to try again. Do not focus on that bad choices of yesterday, focus on how you can make positive choices today... right now.

That is what I am going to do. I have let loose, enjoyed myself thoroughly, and now I need to get back to work. Life is all about "finding the balance", and I am glad I enjoyed myself and veered off of my normal tightly structured schedule, as it enabled me to breathe and try new things, which also resulted in me missing my structure! For a while I was bored of it... now I crave it. 

This is a new year, and it is bringing an abundance of changes for me-- a big part is sharing my life with someone else now. Which in itself is a fun, new journey, though stressful at times. 

Take control and be kind to yourself. A lot of people are in that "after holiday" slump. Ease into a new routine that implement the changes you want to make in your life. Diving in too hard into those changes can result in drowning yourself -- crashing and burning. Changing a little at a time creates consistency and consistency is what forms habits. That is what your new changes need to become -- a habit, something you always find yourself doing. That is how I lost weight. That is how I fell in love with exercising. That is how I changed the way I look at myself. Those positive changes that resulted into new habits are what make it easier for me to reset my mind and fall back into a healthy structure. 

So, here we go. From my oily, greasy hair that is carelessly thrown into a bun with my coffee stained pants, I say Happy 2015 and let's make it the best yet. 

My Story of (and how you can avoid) Exercise Addiction

Finding and living with a balance in regards to weight loss, no matter how much or little, is what my blog and mission is all about. Since I have battled such extensive self-esteem and weight issues all of my life, I have been at the end of both extremes: exercising way too much or not much at all. 

When I first started exercising at 13 years old, my step-mom told me that if I stuck with it, I would hate not exercising -- that it would feel odd and not right to miss days. Initially, I thought she was crazy and there way no way that could happen.

However, it absolutely did. Two weeks into regular exercise, I was in love and a brand new hobby that I enjoyed immensely was developed. Being that young though, I did not understand the importance of resting my body and switching up workouts. I battled this problem until I was about 22 years old. 

If I missed a scheduled workout, my world crumbled. If I was sick and I had a workout planned, I would still go. If I was invited to a party, event, festival, etc. and it interfered with the gym and working out, I would never go. If I planned a rest day because I was very store and/or tired, a few hours into the afternoon and evening, I would be driving myself crazy, then end up going to the gym. I had to exercise; if I didn't, all of my hard work would come undone by missing that single workout. 

That is unbelievably dramatic and most of all false, but that was how my mind worked. I was an extremist, and I am still fighting that to this day. I was either all in at 120% or at negative 120%. If I missed that planned workout for some reason, I would cry and refuse to go out or be seen because of how disgusting I felt. At times, I would cancel plans to go with my friends because I had missed my workout and felt I did not deserve to go out. I felt by missing that workout, I had put on 20 pounds. 

When I put on the significant amount of weight at end of 2012 and throughout most of 2013, I knew when I lost weight for the second time, I had to dig exceptionally deep inside of myself and tackle all of my food, exercise, and self-esteem issues that I had been suppressing for so long; not resolving. 

If you feel yourself  or you know someone feeling this way about exercise and working out, this post is for you. 

The first thing I had to realize is that I did not put all of my weight on overnight and I was definitely not going to lose it that soon. It is much easier to gain weight than lose weight; which is why so much of the United States is obese. Fat loss is achieved by being consistent. You are still consistent if a workout is missed. Learning your body is the best thing you can do for yourself. You may have your workouts scheduled for the entire week, then after a couple of them, you are more sore than you thought. When it is a hurting kind of sore, you absolutely need to rest your body so the muscles can repair. Another extremely important thing to teach yourself is the difference between "tired" and "fatigued". The days where you feel "ugh, I so don't feel like working out, I'm tired", you absolutely should still exercise. However, if you are chronically tired, feeling overly sluggish throughout the day, and having a hard time staying focused or motivated, that is usually your body begging for rest to recover. 

Below could be signs of over-exercise: 

• excessive weight loss -- this is usually muscle, not fat
• undernourishment
• menstruation problems in women
• fatigue
• isolation and weakened social relationships
• irritability
• frequent injuries

There are consequences to over exercising. The body can enter a catabolic state, in which muscle (NOT fat) tissues are broken down to fuel immediate needs. In short: muscle is burned and the fat is stored. Additionally, one can develop microscopic tears in muscle fibers,; which if unable to repair because of extreme exercise is still being continued, could lead to permanent injuries. Immune systems are actually weakened from over-exercise, which is why when I would still workout when I was sick, I would take significantly longer to heal. Other issues are bone problems, especially in women, and insomnia. 

Weight loss is hard. It is simple, but very hard. It requires dedication and consistency, but it is also absolutely imperative that someone have a balance while trying. You can drive yourself crazy if you don't. You can miss out so much in life if you don't. Being fit and healthy should be lifestyle; not your entire life. As I always like to say and remember, and what helps me often times is that yes I may mess up - especially lately, but every second I am alive, it's a chance for me to get it right. If I had a cupcake yesterday after having my cheat meal the day before, there is nothing I can do it about now. It's done. But I can make a healthy choice today. I can push harder on my training. I can ensure I eat enough to fight cravings.

This journey is all about learning to believe in yourself and know that if you just keep going and trying, the results you want will happen. 

I am now 11 months into my weight loss journey. I wanted to be at a 90 pound loss at this time, however, I am at 65 pounds. I am disappointed, I will not lie and say that I am not, but I know the journey can still be continued. I am alive today, I am healthy today, and that means I can keep going and pushing myself and my 100 pound weight loss goal will absolutely be achieved. 

These posts may also help and are closely related to this issue:

• What happens when your weight loss journey gets too hard?
• Battling My Food Addiction and Emotional Eating
• How to Break Through a Weight Loss Plateau

Diva on a Budget: Health, Fitness, and Beauty Talk!

I have some things health, fitness, and beauty related that I want to share with you guys. I always love to share new health and beauty things I am trying and getting into, and I love to hear what other beauty and health junkies are using and intrigued by as well.

We live in a world where women are photoshopped, airbrushed, and filtered on a regular basis. Sometimes I can't blame anyone for doing that because of how ridiculed we can be if we don't. It is a doubled edged sword that can be debated without end. For me; I am not in the game of doing that because it goes against everything I stand and work hard for, thus I elect to refrain from such drastic measures. 

However, I think I have found something just as good: translucent powder by "It Cosmetics". The powder has light reflecting particles so when you are in the sunlight sunlight and other light, it makes your skin look even better.

I absolutely love this product and I am so happy I went on a whim and purchased it. It makes my skin look almost flawless, especially when you add a dash on bronzer on your cheeks. 

I went to GNC over the weekend because I had an awesome coupon-- just being a Diva on a Budget, of course. I picked up my vitamins on clearance, my 5HTP, and I think I am going to try the "apple cider vinegar" fad that has been going on.

My friend Gabe convinced me that there is all kinds of benefits from drinking it everyday; but I am struggling! This stuff is so nasty. You are supposed to do 1-2 tablespoons with 8 oz. of water first thing in the morning and then again 1-2 times during the day. It is gross to me though, even with water. I would like to just take it as a shot and be done with it, but I have read not to do that.

Who is on the Apple Cider Vinegar band wagon and do you feel like it has helped and improved your health?

I am ecstatic to be doing a promotional post and working with NatureBox. I know a lot of of you guys have heard of them. I have been trying their products and quickly fallen in love with everything. It is wonderful to me to be able to eat such delicious and satisfying snacks without all of the fat and calories. I will write more about this later, but I wanted to share my favorite right now.

If you love Girl Scout cookies, you will love the lemon tea biscuits. They are out of this world!

If you want to view all of the deliciousness NatureBox offers; click here. 

If you want a FREE trial; click here.

To continue my Diva on a Budget fabulousness this weekend, I had a 20% my total order coupon from Ulta plus lots of points to use. Those coupons only happen once or twice a year so I had to take advantage. My face has been breaking out bad a lot around my mouth and chin lately so I bought a new acne wash face. For a few days now, I have used it twice a day. It has helped without a lot with out drying my skin out.

I am so also trying out Paul Mitchell products for more voluminous hair. In my opinion, the bigger  the hair the better. In the above picture of me, I used both the hair spray and daily boost. I like them! I am almost as pleased with the daily boost as I am with Big Sexy Hair. I actually like Paul Mitchell's hairspray much better.

Lastly, I tried a new "Skinny girl" cocktail over the weekend. This brand is cheaper than "Skinny Girl", has few less calories, and tastes just as good. When you're in the mood for a cosmo (my personal favorite) this is a great go to!

The Most Effective Types of Cardio

I have 30 pounds left to lose until I am finally at my fitness goal. It has been a long 11 months of work, but I am ecstatic to have made such huge changes in my life. However, over the past 2 months or so, my weight loss journey my loss has been stagnant. I had other issues that needed my attention so I had to shift my focus for a bit. That is how it goes though; that's life. We are going to face immense ups and downs along the way, but no matter what, one must keep trying; one must keep pushing on. Giving up is never, ever an option. 

As I dedicate myself back to the way I need to train and eat, it is important to make the most out of every single workout I have. I usually do 45 minutes of cardio a day with my specific workout. Since I engage in cardio everyday, as most people do, it can be easy to get bored with it and not push myself as hard. Today I wanted to share a few of the different types of cardio training I engage in.

High Intensity Interval Training (H.I.I.T) is also referred to as "sprint intervals". This type of cardio training is an exercise strategy that alternates periods of short intense intervals with less intense recovery intervals. Basically, you push yourself to the limit for X amount of time, then rest (while still exercising) for an even shorter amount, then repeat. This is without a doubt one of the best types of cardio training to burn fat and lose weight. You not only improve your body, but your heart. Because intervals are alternated so rapidly, the heart is in a constant state of work and pumping, which causes it to strengthen. This type of training also improves a persons metabolism and because of the intensity, a long duration of exercise is not necessary. 

Examples (20 minute durations):

--Stairmill: 2 minutes work: 130 SPM (Steps-per-minute) then 1 minute rest: 60 SPM. Repeat

--Inclined walk: 2 minutes work: 3.5 speed with 10 incline, then 1 minute rest: 3.4 speed with no incline. Repeat 

--Running: 1 minute of sprinting as fast as you can then 1 minute slow walk

You can also engage in H.I.I.T by doing mountain climbers, jumping jacks, jump squats, etc. for X amount of time then a slow walk for the rest period. Equipment is not always necessary, therefore this training can be done anywhere! 

Endurance training is a great way to improve strength and overall stamina. This is not just for people who want to run marathons; this is a great type of cardio training for anyone, as overall improved stamina helps with everything health and fitness related. Endurance allows people to work out at a certain intensity or for an extended amount of time. The better a persons endurance is, the longer they can exercise without stopping and slowing down. This type of cardio training should be challenging, but not to the point of maxing out your heart rate like a sprint would. This type of cardio is done for a longer period of time, with the heart rate staying at a certain rate. This is hard because after a certain amount of time, you will become tired and want to slow, but don't as that is how one builds their body's endurance; by pushing through at staying at the same rate of work, even though the body is growing tired. 

Examples:

--For me, on the Elliptical, resistance is hard me at level 13. It's tough for me to keep my usual speed at that level. Therefore when I endurance train, I would set the resistance at 13 (where it starts to get tough for me) and ensure I keep my speed at a good pace to where the entire workout is a challenge. I will not change my speed or resistance this entire training. This duration could vary from 30-60 minutes.

--I can swiftly run for about 30 minutes straight without feeling tired or out of breath. To challenge myself and build endurance, I would set my workout for a 40 minute run, then gradually increase the pace of the run as well as the time as my body and system strengthens. 

This type of cardio is a low intensity type of training done for a long period of time. It is slow, easy, and long, and one should be able to converse comfortably during. It is ideal for someone who is just beginning to exercise on a regular basis, recovering from a sickness and/or surgery, or someone who is obese and/or severely overweight. It can provide a reasonable amount of caloric and fat loss, but will not aid  as effective in a "total body transformation" such as building muscle.

Examples:

--1+ hour walk in a park or beach

--Afternoon bike ride

Cross-training involves alternating pieces of cardio equipment within different periods of time. This is a great way to keep variety in your cardio workout: the time generally seems to go by fast and since you are alternating equipment and not on one machine for a prolonged period of time, it is essentially easier to keep endurance up and push hard. Cross training cardio is effective for boosting metabolism, burning fat, and building endurance. This workout should be moderately challenging for the entire duration. When I do cross-training, I do the hardest piece of cardio first and the easiest last; that way I have the most energy for the first one and get the most out of my training. 

Example:

--4 different pieces of equipment for 10 minutes each. 

My favorite combination:

Incline walk: 3.5 speed, 7 incline

StairMill: 70 SPM

Jog: 7.0 speed

Elliptical: 10 resistance, 9 incline

Leg Training 101 for Women

This post is brought to you by popular demand. You guys wanted it, so you guys get it. This is a follow up post to Weight Lifting 101 for Women. This post is of course essential, because what good is a muscular, toned upper body without sexy, sculpted legs to match? Today I listed some of my favorite leg exercises to do. I have always had big, muscular legs. It runs in my family and genetics definitely play apart. To add to that when I was growing up, I danced, did gymnastics, ran track, played volleyball, and was a cheerleader. All of those activities just added more muscle. I hated my legs and butt when I was younger. I constantly wore baggy shirts that were too big for me so they would cover up my butt since it stuck out so much. As I grew older, I learned to embrace it. Now, I love it. For me, legs are a fun group of muscles to push to the limits since they are the strongest part of my body. I know it is important to a LOT of women out there to sculpt beautiful legs, so I hope this post is a reference for you to rely on for ideas and education. 

Weight Loss Fads I Do Not Follow

One thing I have learned about people while on my weight loss journey, as a Personal Trainer, and as a blogger who not only writes, but loves to read other blogs is: a lot of people are looking for a "quick fix" when it comes to losing weight. They go crazy over a new product that has become available as it promises to deliver a miracle, they can do something for only 5 days and drop 10 pounds, etc. When I was younger, I fell victim to a few of these, but I quickly learned that nearly everything is a gimmick.

If you want to lose a significant amount of weight and live a happy, healthy life, you need to fall in love with clean eating and regular exercise. Executing those two things are what guarantees a life of being fit. I will add this disclaimer that every persons body is different; what works for one person, may not work for someone else. You may love doing some of the "fads" that I don't; that is fine too! My writings, research, and opinions are not the only way to do things. "Different strokes for different folks".

1) Juicing

I like this idea if you do this naturally to get in more fruits and/or vegetables. If you have a juicer at home and you put fresh produce in there, make your own, and have it WITH a meal, I think juicing is fine. I would not use it in place of eating vegetables and fruits though. Juicing as weight loss, meal replacements, and/or to "cleanse" you, I do not believe is a good idea. Juicing all of your fruits and vegetables takes away a lot of nutrients; the skin is where an abundance of those are found. Furthermore, a diet of only "juicing" slows down your metabolism. Your body needs proper fuel to burn fat and provide energy. Juicing lacks significant amounts of protein, fat, carbohydrates, and fiber. Juicing alone cannot provide all of those nutrients. When a person starts significantly depriving themselves of those, the body shuts down to prevent itself from going into "starvation mode". The body begins burning muscle and storing fat. Then once your juice cleanse is over and you are back to eating regular, solid food, your body has a slower time digesting it and using it as expendable energy. Juicing is expensive from what I have found and can add a ton of unnecessary sugar. Your body has a colon and kidney's that "cleanse" your body, you do not need a "juice" to do that for you. Eat proper foods and exercise - that cleanses. 

2) No Carbs

I hate how carbohydrates have such a bad reputation. When I first started my weight loss journey, I told you guys how I researched and had notebooks full on information that I was finding. I not only wanted to lose weight, I wanted to learn and understand my body. I saw a lot of "low carb" diets and how it was the best way to lose weight. I thought I would try it and I did. I was miserable. How bad my mood was, was just the tip of the iceberg, plus I exercise far too much to deprive my body of essential carbohydrates. Carbohydrates are broken down into three different types: sugar, fiber, and starch. Simple carbohydrates are the delicious yet unhealthy types of carbohydrates to consume - a big base of those are sugar and starch. Complex carbohydrates such as fiber are essential for well-being, digestion, and energy. Carbohydrates provide a thermogenic effect that will increase calorie burning. The carbohydrates standard role is to be our MAIN source of energy and/or "fuel". Carbohydrates are also kind of like the "partner" for protein. This is called "protein sparing". The protein sparing effect conserves protein for muscle tissue, and expends carbohydrates for energy. Carbohydrates protect the protein you consume from being converted to glucose (sugar) to serve as an energy source when glycogen and plasma glucose levels decrease. Depriving your body of essential carbohydrates over a long period of time causes major stress on one's liver. The liver has to manufacture glucose from fats and proteins. Ammonia is produced as proteins are converted into glucose, which can be toxic to the immune system and cell function. Carbohydrates are especially essential to anyone who exercises heavily, athletes, etc. If you are not as active, high(er) carbohydrate intake is not necessary, but you still need to consume them. Consumption just needs to be the right items. See below for a list of complex carbohydrates.  

3) Fully relying on squats

I have always had big legs and a big butt; even when I was a child. Part of it is definitely genetics and part of it was growing up taking gymnastics and dancing. I hated my big legs and butt growing up, but now I am different, thankfully! I love my big booty and it is my favorite part on me physically. I love working my legs and glutes to the core. I always plan my leg workouts the day before my rest day from the gym. Most days I can't walk after my leg workouts! However, squats are not the be all, end all. I did not start regularly squatting until May of 2013. My butt was built on high incline walks (seriously high inclines are the best), heavy leg press, hip thrusts (definitely do these, they are more glute focused than squats), walking lunges, leg extension, leg curls, and and plyometric workouts. Squatting is an awesome exercise and I love to do it (specifically back squats), but it will not make you nor will it break you. That is kind of like buying a sports car, but it only coming with an engine. The engine is very important, but you need other parts of the car to make it run. Same with glutes and legs.

   

4) Cardio only - no weight training

This makes me give the "side eye" more than anything. "Lifting makes you big and bulky! I only want to do cardio!". People want to "tone up", what do you think toning up is? It is muscle!



First off my arms are hands down the worst part of my body. Guys I hate my arms - I want to love every part of me, but my arms? No way. They are slowly... so slowly... getting smaller, but I think they make me look so much bigger than what I am. They did not start improving until I started adding muscle. Lifting heavier and 3 times a week is what is helping shape my arms and make them smaller. Clean eating is the root of course, but when I really dedicated myself to lifting weights, that is when I started to see a difference. Woman do not naturally have nearly the testosterone that men do. Therefore, we will not get "huge" by lifting weights like they can. Sure if you artificially inject testosterone into your body, women can get huge, but not by clean eating and weight lifting. Adding muscle mass to your body burns more calories when you are at rest. Cardio is great, you burn fat and calories while you are engaging in your activity, but once you stop, it's over. However that is not the case with weight lifting. Your body continues to burn calories even after you finish. Muscle is metabolically active tissue. Growing older leads to your bones decreasing in density and becoming more brittle - especially in women. By doing regular strength training, research has proven that you can both increase your bone density and work to prevent osteoporosis. Weight training enhances performance in cardiovascular activity. How awesome is that? Add muscle to your body by weight lifting, which burns calories at rest, and assists in burning extra calories while you do your cardio workouts. You are stronger therefore can go harder and longer which melts fat away from your body. No matter how old I get or what type of fitness activities I get into, I will always be in the gym lifting my weights!

[Update] I received a few personal emails and comments from women who want to lift weights but are aren't sure how to start, what to do, they're intimidated, scared, etc. I will write a post about how I started weight lifting with tips, ideas, and advice for you guys! I will have that up within the next 2 weeks. 

The Girl Who Runs Through Fire

It was a hard weekend. If you read this post, you know that I had an extremely busy week. It was a good week; very productive, but it took so much out of me. I am a giver. If I love someone or something I give and give and give. Sometimes you give so much, that there is nothing left in you. On Friday evening when I was finally able to leave work, I was exhausted. I planned to take Saturday off from the gym, but decided to take Friday off instead. I came home, cleaned for an over an hour, picked up dinner, and played my guitar for a few hours. By 10 PM I could not keep my eyes open any longer so I went to bed.

Friday night I had a really bad dream. I woke up Saturday morning with tears in my eyes. Waking up crying is probably one of the worst ways to start your day. It did not set a good tone. My body was aching; as was my heart and soul. I was empty. I was exhausted. 

I took the day to myself. I felt that I needed to be alone and regroup. I played my guitar, went and got my hair done, ran a few errands, and watched a movie. I thought taking time to myself, cutting myself off from the world, and trying to rest up would help me feel better. It did, but not a lot. 

Yesterday I awoke feeling better. I knew I planned to spend the day hiking, which makes me really happy. I got dressed, packed my backpack, and I was off. I still felt fatigued and tired, but I knew I needed to go. I arrived to the mountain and prepped to start my dual trail. I had a 4 hour hike planned - 10 miles. The Monday before last, I planned to do that, but I only made it 8 miles.

I started my dual trail. Spiritually, I was motivated, but mentally and physically, I was not. Nonetheless, I started my brisk walk. After a couple of minutes, this beautiful woman with gorgeous, long legs walked past me like I was a slug. I watched her walk like she had a motor in her backpack pushing her along. She inspired me.

She inspired me to push harder and make myself do a good job. Happiness is a choice; I firmly believe and and tell everyone that. I felt sorry for myself, dwelled in my apartment, and it was time to let my pain go. I approached my first big hill on my trail. I thought I would try and run it. I have been extensively training for a couple of months now with hiking, plus increasing the intensity of my cardio in the gym. Now would be a great time to add running into my hikes. So I did. I reached the top and thought I would be completely out breath, hunched over, and exhausted. I wasn't. I was liberated. I instantly felt my soul coming alive again. So I kept going.

Almost every single hill I came to while hiking the mountain, I would run it. I would catch my breath, speed walk for a while, then get back to running. I could not believe that I was running parts of this mountain. This was the mountain, that a year ago, I could not even walk without stopping every 10 minutes. A year ago, I was doing a shorter trail there and crying out of frustration because I could not believe how hard it was to do. 

By the time I reached the last 1/2 mile, which is an incredibly steep incline that leads to the very top, I thought I was not going to make it. Damn, it was hard... but I kept going. Slowly, I walked. I never stopped though. I put one foot in front of the other; sweat pouring off of me like I was a water faucet, and I kept going. 

I reached the top of the mountain and I don't think sitting on a rock ever felt so good. The sun warmed me; which felt like a hug from nature and the light breeze was the perfect "you did it". 

In my short 24 years on this earth, I have learned two things about pain: you can let the fire define you and drown in it OR you can walk through. You can walk through the flames, let it burn you (because it will) and if you just keep going, you will eventually come to the end. At the end, you will become a stronger person. 

Life has thrown me an abundance of change over the past 6 months. Majority of the change has been the best thing to ever happen to me - but it is not easy. However, only over the past month have I been battling emotional emptiness and pain; which to me, is the worst. It's hell on earth. But every single day, I keep going. 

I did my 10 miles today. I finished in 3 hours and 56 minutes. My Polar band decided to stop working, which irritated me (I would have loved to have seen the total caloric burn and where my heart rate stayed towards the end), but I kept going. I was thankful the mountain was not crowded today because when I finished, I collapsed by my car for a few minutes. I just had to stop and rest. That hike was physically the hardest thing I have ever done. 

I think I told myself 50 times "you did it Liz". A year ago, this girl could not even walk up a mountain. I was 45 pounds heavier, cringing at my reflection, at a staleness in life, and I was losing my drive. I was losing my positive, wild spirit. And now here I am. I am alone, but it is a good thing. Pain can bring out the best in you, if you choose to see it that way. That is how I view hardships now in life. I will take the pain, accept it, and no matter what happens, I will keep going. 

How Exercise Changed My Life (that doesn't have to do with my body)

I write a lot about how fitness is my biggest passion. And it basically is. However, there is one other thing that comes in at a very close second. That is empowering women. I am a girl's girl. I want women to feel great about themselves; be confident, feel loved, and have a strong sense of motivation. We live in a world where women are pinned against one another. We are almost genetically inclined to come out of the womb ready to tear down the woman next to us. I am not wired that way. I want that to change so that change starts within me.

The media is all about a woman and her looks. On magazine covers you always see women and something about their physical appearance. This woman gained X amount of pounds, this woman lost her baby weight in record time, this woman has a killer body, and it goes on and on. Physical looks and sex almost define a woman in this world... it seems.

When I was a teenager, I fell victim to this in a huge way. 

When I was growing up, I was an "ugly duckling". I was teased and bullied a lot. I hit puberty when I was about 7. I remember in second grade having a big butt and needing to wear a bra. I loathed it and I was so embarrassed. Thus I wore baggy clothes that were far too big for me. I never wanted any of my clothes to show my body. I had big glasses too and never cared how my hair looked. I was pretty content. My neighborhood was nothing but boys and I was close with my younger brother, so my days were spent playing sports, riding four-wheeler's, and playing video games. I thought nothing of it.

Time goes by and I grow older. The summer before 8th grade, when I was 13 years old, for the first time, I exercised and started to lose weight. I began to like my new found muscle and curves. I then started wearing contacts, and learned about hair and makeup due to making more friends who were girls. I also bought more fashionable clothes that fit me. That year, things changed a lot for me in school. I had more "friends" than ever, boys were taking notice, and I felt a way about myself that I had never felt before. I was becoming addicted to the attention. 

I learned that if I looked pretty, people would "like" me.

My last year of middle school was great, but then high school comes. I transfer out of the school system I grew up in the second month of my freshman year. I then joined MySpace in 2004 to keep in touch with all of my old friends. That was when I first laid eyes on a model on there. Her screen name was "ForbiddeN" but her real name is Christine. She was the most popular woman on My Space and was featured on talk shows and magazines from it. I thought that was so incredible and I wanted to be just like her. She had platinum blonde hair, extremely tan skin, huge boobs, and a skinny body. I wanted to be that. 

However, that did not quite happen. My freshman and sophomore years in school took a turn for the worse because of all of the bullying I went through and abuse from my then step-father (my mother has since divorced him). I was walked to class by the Student Resource Officer because I would skip class or show up late because if I walked to class alone, people would yell at me, throw paper, and things like that. My mom came up to the school countless times on my behalf, and having the SRO aid me to class was the only option to help the situation. I was a cheerleader and during basketball games people would sit on the bleachers while I was on the gym floor doing a cheer or dance routine, and make faces at me, point at me, and laugh. Another time, I had to run on a mile on the track outside one day after school since I missed gym class the day before. The football team was running the steps on the stadium and every time they would see me run past them on the track, they would yell really mean things. My list could go on for what happened for those two years. I exercised at the gym during that time, but I ate my feelings. I ate a lot. I binged, a lot.

When I got my license the summer before my junior year of high school and started working, my weight was under a better control. I was able to enroll in the co-op program so I only had to go to school until 11:15 AM everyday and then I graduated early. I was finally fit, attractive, and I was getting good attention. I had never been "pretty" before or had good attention, so this was unbelievably euphoric. 

Physical beauty and promiscuity ruled my entire life. I was not going out in the world sleeping with everyone, but I made sure people noticed my body. I made sure I stood out. The attention became an addiction, and I was so stupid at the time to not realize that the only reason I was getting this attention is because men wanted sex. Not because they liked me or thought I was an awesome person to befriend; they simply wanted to get  in my pants. I was so caught up in the moment that I did not have the intelligence to differentiate attention because of my body and attention because of someone liking me for who I am.

I rebelled a lot during this time period. I put my father and step-mom through so much pain. They are devote Christians and put strict curfew's on me, but I constantly disobeyed everyone. My mom was more laid back and gave me more freedom, however I ended up taking even that for granted. I got to the point where my parents had to sell my car for a couple of months to try and teach me a lesson. It was a horrible period of my life. One that I am so, so ashamed of. I was so obsessed with the attention I was getting that I let everyone else around me, who loved me, hurt. You see this attention was unheard of for me. I grew up as a tom-boy and ugly duckling. Then I was bullied and teased relentlessly throughout high school, so when I all of the sudden become "hot and sexy", the attention was a drug for me. 

It was not until I started my weight loss journey at 19 years old in September of 2008 that I finally snapped out of it. After nearly a year of hard partying, drinking, binge eating, and fast food trips, my body suffered a tremendous weight gain. I literally could not believe I had gained over 100 pounds in a 14-15 months. I was so caught up in a partying lifestyle that I did not realize what was happening myself. I felt so stuck. I was only 19 years old and was 276 pounds. I thought to myself: "how in the world can I bounce back from this?". My plan was to not get so overwhelmed and take it one step at a time. And that is what I did. I told you guys how I initially lost weight: hard research, obtaining my NASM certification (not because I necessarily wanted to train people, but I wanted the education), clean eating, and hard training. I made one healthy choice at a time.

Every day that I would go to the gym, I felt myself getting stronger and more fit. I would see myself in the mirror drenched in sweat and think "damn I look beautiful". I did not look beautiful because I had perfect hair or makeup, I looked beautiful because I was working hard. I was out of my comfort zone, but doing the exercises anyway. I never had the best gym clothes. My body was never the best in the gym. However, I stayed dedicated. That impressed me. That made me feel like I could do anything.  I would be so scared going into the gym sometimes, but I would make myself go. I would make myself not care what anyone else was thinking or saying. Because no one out there can make me lose weight except for myself. If I wanted to get fit, I had to put in the work. I was on my own personal mission. No one knew the pain and agony I felt inside. So I pushed on.

The gym in a sense has changed my life. It changed the way I viewed myself. It helped me learn to love myself for who I am, not because of the way I look. I know that may sound kind of crazy, because exercising helps our outward appearance so much. But let me tell you this, you will never move mountains without a strong a mind. Your body can do whatever you want it too, it is your mind and inner strength that must conduct it.

Over time I watched my body transform and that transformation changed the way I thought. I suddenly realized I could do anything I wanted. The gym was hard work and I was so uncomfortable in there sometimes, but I did it anyway. Imagine where else I could use the mentality! I realized that I have a worth and my worth was not my outward appearance. I made people start to respect me. I made people get to know me for who I was on the inside. I realized that it was my determination and dedication that changed my body. It was my hard, raw work that did this. That is an incredible feeling.

That is what saved me in November when part 2 of my journey began -- the confidence the gym taught me. I knew I was overweight. I knew I did not look the way I used too. More so, I knew I could get back to the place where I used to be. I knew I was better than the old me who binges when they are sad, who gets hurt when people talk about me, who feels sorry for myself - I am better than that. It was time to cut off my self loathing and hit the gym again. All of my clothes had grown too tight, I was embarrassed seeing people I knew, because I knew they could tell I was bigger, but I pushed anyway. I know in my heart that I am strong, confident, and intelligence. I have all of the tools I needed to get back to where I was. It was time to dig deep again and find that inner love I used to have and put it to use.  

As I would watch other woman battle with these same weight issues, I wanted to wanted to help them. As I would see other women battle with their on self-worth, I wanted to help. I wanted to scream to everyone who was going through what I did; "I know your pain! I know it all too well. Please listen to me because you can get past this". I suddenly wanted to tell every woman in the world that we are not creatures to be used as a dolls and for sex. We have hearts and minds and that if we work hard, we can do anything we want. 

The gym saved me from a downward spiral and a dark place. It not only transformed my body and health, but my mind and morals.

*My blog hop will be back next Wednesday. It has been a rough week with my father's cancer as his time is quickly approaching. I am in and out of town and blog posts have been previously scheduled. 

My 10-year gym anniversary - how it all started.

It was in March of 2004 that I ever stepped foot into a gym.

I actually began working out when I was 13. The summer after 7th grade, before 8th. When I first started exercising in 2003, I used my mom's old exercise videos. My mom was a BIG crash dieter. She would buy 10 different exercise tapes, 5 different supplements (MetaboLife with Ephedra anyone?) 19 different outfits - and never stick with anything. Lucky for me, I got all of the hand me downs. I would wear the floral design tank tops with matching knee length spandex shorts and get to work. I would do an exercise tape (a lot of Richard Simmons, Denise Austin, and The Firm. Denise Austin was my favorite because I wanted to look just like her. I thought she was so hot) then go run outside. Running outside pissed me off a lot of times though. I always used my disc-man so I could listen to music. I had to hold it in my hand because I did not have a clip. And when I would run fast, the CD player would always skip.

I religiously did my exercise tapes and running at home. After about 6 months, my mom noticed my dedication and decided she would buy me, my brother, and her gym memberships so we could all workout together. She picked my brother and I up from school every afternoon since she only worked Friday-Sunday as an ER Nurse Supervisor. Our new routine after school everyday would be us three going to the gym. It sounded great to me. My brother was not excited. We joined the gym "Body Fit" in Eden, NC - one town over from where we lived. Body Fit is an extremely tiny gym and it is where my passion first began. Below are pictures the gym, courtesy of their Facebook page:

I loved exercising at home, but the gym brought a brand new level of excitement. It was incredibly stimulating, versatile, fun, and I loved how I felt after. I was instantly hooked. I looked forward to going ever single day after school. My brother and mom only lasted about a month. I begged her to let me keep my membership though. She obliged, but it was hard. The gym was 20 minutes away from our home since it was in the next town over. Thus she would have to drop me off, find something to do for an hour, then pick me back up because going home was a waste of gas and time. However, she did it. On Friday's when I would go to my dad's for the weekend, she would drop me off and dad would pick me up. Dad would take me on the weekends as well. He would drop me off, go home, then come back and pick me up. My parents did that for over a year so I could continue to exercise at that gym. 

It felt good to move. It felt good to get out the stress of the day. As I have previously written about before, I was bullied in school a lot. The gym was my savior from it. Instead of turning to alcohol or drugs, which were sadly readily available, I chose music and exercise. It was a liberating feeling to blast my music through my disc-man and sweat out my high school problems. 

I was so embarrassed that my parents had to pick me up though. Everyone thought I was so much older than I was, so having my parents drop me off and pick me up was so *uncool*. I could not wait until I was old enough to drive to the gym myself and put my key ring up on wall like everyone else did. Ha!

On my 16th birthday, I was at the DMV 30 minutes before it opened so I could be the first in life to get my license. I passed with flying colors, then I started my first day of my first job; Food Lion. After working, I drove myself to the gym. I felt like such an adult and I proudly laid my keys on the key ring board that was mounted on the wall. 

Shortly after my 16th birthday on July 30th, 2005, I switched gyms. I joined a gym that was in the town I lived in - Reidsville, NC. I trained there from 2005 to 2010. I left that gym when I was 20 years old and moved to where I currently live, Charlotte, NC. I made so many friends there and I learned so much. I almost felt like I grew up in that gym. I had many, many mentors there varying from the owners, prior bodybuilder's, powerlifters, and everything in between. That is where I learned to train hard, lift weights, and become dedicated. It makes me want to cry writing about that gym. Everyone there was like my family. 

From 2008-2010, I worked at a popular gym chain called "The Rush Fitness Complex". Since it was 45 minutes away from where I lived, I did not always drive there to train on my days off. 

When I moved to Charlotte in March of 2010, there was a brand new gym being built beside of my apartment complex; literally right across the parking lot. It was huge, and I could not have been more excited. I felt like I really lucked out being able to have a gym so close and able to walk there a lot of days. LA Fitness (formally known as Urban Active Fitness) opened in September of 2010. I was elated that it was finally opened. I watched it grow from dirt and cement to a huge fitness facility, and I was ready to train. I went there the first day it opened and the rest has been history. I also worked there in 2012 as a second job!

I posted this picture on my Facebook in 2010 before it opened. They held an open house so you could tour the gym, see what it is about, and sign up. I of course went so I could get a first look!

And to this day, nearly 4 years and 1 name change later, I still walk to that very gym! The below picture is from my blog a couple of weeks ago when it was beautiful outside and I walked there. 

Exercising is a lifelong hobby and weight loss is an ongoing journey. You are going to have many ups and downs. Sometimes you may get some low that you feel like you can't get back up. Kind of like how I felt all of 2013, but what matters is when you just keep going. I push hard every single day and you can too. Every second is a second to make a good decision and get it right. One healthy choice at a time.

Don't forget to enter my giveaway!

Bikini Body Prep Giveaway and The Hump Day Blog Hop!

Welcome to a very special addition of "The Hump Day Blog Hop". I am hosting a new giveaway today as well. I am so thankful for all of my absolutely amazing readers and friends that have helped my little blog grow over the past 9 months. I am in love with the awesome friendships I have made and as a thank you, I wanted to help you guys get bikini body ready!

Also included in the prize pack, if the winner wants it, a phone or Skype session with me to go over your current nutrition and training program, provide tips and advice specific to your particular situation/lifestyle, or even create a specific nutrition/fitness program. I have been NASM certified since 2008.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

We are halfway through the week and the hump day camel is too freaking cool, so lets have some fun and a blog hop to celebrate.

This is a little different than a link up. To participate, simply add your blog link. There is no required entry or anything like that. This is about networking, making new friends, and finding new blogs.

All I ask:

1) "The Hump Day" blog hop button button be displayed anywhere on your blog page or a specific entry with a link back to me or the weekly co-host. (Please do this. These blog hops take a lot of work and preparation.)

2) You don't have to follow me, but in the words of Blake Shelton: it'd sure be cool if ya did.

3) Please follow the co-host. I love helping and promoting these amazing women in the blog world! I do this to not only meet new people, but help my friends make new friends and readers.

4) Mingle with your fellow Bloggers.

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Please help me in welcoming this weeks co-host, Alex at "High Heels and Treadmills"