3 Ways I Help Myself When I Lose My Weigh (Get it?)

The real world has been kicking my butt this week. I am so, so tired. I normally thrive and appreciate the hectic days in my office, but this week they are drowning me. I am normally liberated at new blogging opportunities and posts, but this week they are exhausting me. My mom was in town Monday through yesterday, which helped, and was so nice to have. I let loose a little and enjoyed time with her. 

What has been bothering me most-- a lot of the reason why I am more tired than usual, and why I have had so much trouble sleeping lately is my RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome). I was diagnosed in February. I started showing symptoms a year before though, but they were sporadic and did not happen often. At the time, I attributed the symptoms to overworking myself at the gym. 

It feels like ever since I was diagnosed I have issues nearly every night when I get into bed, which is horrible for me because I absolutely love sleep, and I ensure I get plenty of it nightly. It is rare that I let anything interfere with my sleep schedule. For my RLS, I have been on prescribed medication from my doctor as well engaging in a plethora of "home remedies" that my friends and readers have advised to me. Most of the time, that entire combination helps, but sometimes it doesn't. 

Saturday and last night it did not. I was up all night in so much pain. It is so hard to describe the pain to people: it is not an ache or pulled muscle type of pain, it is nerve pain. It is agony to lay still. The only relief I find is when I get up and walk around; which last night I did until 2 in the morning. By then, all of my sleep medication kicked in and knocked me out. Which is great, but I have felt horrible today: fatigued, unable to concentrate, falling asleep at my desk, and my RLS pain is still active. It carried on from the night and is still hurting as I am in my office. I keep getting up to stretch my legs that provides provides relief, but the pain sneaks right back in when I become still. 

Being sleep deprived affects me more than others sometimes. A lot of people are used to it, and their bodies and mind have adjusted. Unfortunately, I am not at that stage. Since I am a very high energy, outgoing, nonstop kind of person, I wear myself out a lot. I have admitted that on here many times. My remedy is sleep. When I am deprived from this, I can maybe be a bit dramatic and overbearing. Hell, I may even act like a 2 year old who needs a nap. I admit it, though. I am not proud. It is just one of my many flaws. 

I was dealing with the sleep deprivation over the weekend and on Monday and now I am back again plowing through it today. When I feel this way, it makes me lose sight of everything. I am a person who has never had balance in their life. It has always been all or nothing. Thus, over the past year, I have been working extensively to teach myself a life balance. 

I have gotten so, so much better, but I am still not where I want to be.

When I find myself slipping and losing my way-- losing vision of my goals, I need motivation to help me get over this internal negativity. 

Below is what I have done to help lately. It may be "over the top" to some, but for me, it's perfect. I am a woman on a mission, I am a woman who is fighting emotional eating, and I am a woman who still has 30 pounds to lose. I am also a woman who is working on improving the way I handle tasks and stress. 

Some of us truly need this extra, grandiose motivation. 

Food Motivation:

Print that picture above (I think the black background and white font just make it so intense and like it's really challenging you) and put it on your refrigerator, near your purse and/or wallet, at your desk-- wherever you need too. 

It may sound silly, but I promise you it works. There is nothing quite like reaching for that slice of chocolate cake after you already had a slice yesterday, and seeing something like that. It ruins the mood. It kills the cravings.

I am all about losing weight the healthy way-- a person needs their occasional bad food and cheat meal(s), however, if you're like me and stress eat, binge when life gets hard, or just have an issue with saying "no" to bad foods more often than you want to admit, something like this will help. It is a reminder of the measures you are taking to try and lose weight and become healthier.

Seeing something that like that puts my journey into perspective for me when a bad day or overbearing food craving start to take over and cloud my judgement.

Exercise Motivation:

I love to exercise. The high that comes from sweating and pushing your body's limits while blasting your favorite music, to me, is indescribable. I absolutely love training. 

But sometimes, my case of the "blah's" after a long day of work or stress, outweigh my my love for exercise. That is when I have to dig deep inside of myself and kick my own ass. Which is unbelievably hard as I am sure most of you know. That is why it can be so difficult to stay motivated.

When this happens, you have to look deep within yourself. It is not easy. This is the number 1 one reason why so many people give up on their weight loss journey: the lack of self-motivation. Motivation cannot be bought. Motivation cannot be taken with a glass of water to start your day each morning. 

Motivation comes from constantly cheering yourself on and making yourself mentally stronger. That is why I think the above picture is perfect to print and keep for those days when you lose sight, and most importantly, when you lose hope.

• I started because everyday I could not look in the mirror without crying.
• I would shower with the lights off because my naked body disgusted me. 
• I started because I was in Target trying on a size 18 in pants that did not fit and I broke down. 
• I started because I felt so tired all of the time. 
• I started because my passion and work ethic for life dissipated on a daily basis..
• I started because I wanted to FEEL good about myself.

When I remember how bad I used to feel, and how desperately I wanted to change, it helps me push on. I may be weary, I may be cussing and crying, but I push on. 

Eventually, you reach the finish line. You pushed yourself: you made healthy choices, and you attended that workout you so vehemently wanted to miss. That is when everything changes. The endorphin's are pumping, your confidence is built back up, and you now how the strength to keep going. 

Goal Motivation

There is nothing that makes a journey so real than seeing what you could be-- what you WILL be. One thing I have done for years now and continue to do, is carry pictures of my favorite fitness inspirations; be it on my phone, on my refrigerator, desk, or somewhere in my home. My two favorite women are Ava Cowan and Pauline Nordin. They remind me that what I want is possible if I work hard enough. When my passion for fitness began in late 2008, those two women stood out to me more in the magazines than anyone else. I have been inspired ever since. 

If they can do it, damn it, so can I. They are women and I am a woman. It's simple-- if I put in the work and dedication, I will get the same results.

My passion is not dead... it's just sleeping?

I think for the first time since I started blogging 16 months ago, I have writers block. This white screen for writing that I normally find so liberating and fun, is currently exhausting and demanding. I absolutely hate feeling this way. I'm fine, though. I am not overly happy, but I am not sad. I am thankful I am not feeling with the pain and depression that ensued for a big part of this year, but I do not feel back to myself at 100%. 

I have to be honest when I say my motivation is lacking. My weight loss started to really stall in August after months and months of a steady decline. Combine that with work stress and the nagging heartache that would just not go away, and I felt myself losing everything but fat. I still have not gotten back into my "groove" and schedule with clean eating and training. I absolutely love exercise, but I have been "eh" lately. My food has been boring to me and I haven't wanted it; therefore I have been "cheating" a lot more. I just changed gyms. I have had a lot going on at work. Since all of that has ensued, I find myself bored, empty, and numb. Like I said, I am not necessarily sad, I just feel myself not caring about anything. That isn't like me at all. 

Now that my emotions and heart have healed and I can see a little more clearly, I find myself in a rut. I am bored. "Blah" is probably the word of the month for me. I am craving something to make me feel alive... to give me an adventure...to help bring my passion for life and fitness that I have always had. Who is this girl that is feeling this way? It certainly is not me.

I am in a big growing pain. I believe the term for what I have experienced this year is a "quarter life crisis". After all, I am 25 years old now.

I am not exactly sure what to do to rid this prolonged case of the "Monday's" that feel permanently instilled in my mind right now. Normally at this point, I am making an extensive plan to get over whatever is bringing me down, but not this time. The reason being is because I am not sure what could help this. 

I am just going to take it one day at a time. That is all I have to offer right now; and hopefully by putting one foot in front of the other, life will get back to normal. 

I do know that I absolutely have to do better with my food choices and training. I feel so damn good when I execute my nutrition and exercise plan; I just have to suck up my "ugh, I don't feel like it" because I know I have to get the rest of this weight off. It will depress the life out of me if I don't. I also know that once I force myself to adhere to my plan for a couple of days, it starts becoming a norm to me. It is hard for the first few days, but then it evens out and I feel great and remember why this is my passion.

I hate writing posts like this and I feel like over the past couple of months I have written at least one or two a month, but I have vowed to be honest on my blog. Sometimes it embarrasses me, but it helps me understand and acknowledge my feelings; which is the first step to change. Simply put, this year has been so, so hard on me, filled with so many struggles from family to love and everything in between.

But I know that I am a strong person. I am humble, I am honest, and I am always willing to grow and learn. Therefore I will pull through this. Right now I taking life one day at a time and doing the best I can. I am doing better... not nearly as good as I want to be, but I am better than I was a few weeks ago. My passion is not dead, it's just sleeping. And I for one, am ready for it to wake up. 

A Letter to Myself: One Year Later

Dear 24 year old-August of 2013-Liz,

It has been precisely one year since wrote that blog post. That blog post was the beginning. The beginning of you understanding that you needed to change your life. And you have. Your life has changed 100% since then.

Get ready.

"I Don't Want To Die a Dreamer"

To break you in easily, I will start with work.  

You finally left that job. It was inevitable, and I think you always knew that. You resigned when you obtained a position in uptown Charlotte for a real estate company. You put a deposit on a brand new apartment that was only a block away from your new job. You are going to be able to walk to work, and not have to worry about gas or parking, plus get to experience uptown life. You were really, really excited.

Except it did not happen that way.

You were starting this new job on a Tuesday, and the weekend before, you stayed at papa and grandma's. You and grandma were going to spend the day together shopping on Sunday to find you the perfect wardrobe for your new position. Ten minutes after you and grandma left to go shopping, your cell phone rings. It's the president of the company. Your job offer was rescinded due to budget cuts and immediate staffing changes the company had to implement. 

With a 3 minute telephone call, you became unemployed, lost that brand new apartment, and had to start from scratch without any certainty regarding the direction you were going in. 

But that's okay. You are a survivor and you can get through anything. You always have and you will always will. That was just a warm-up for what was to come, anyway.

You cried and sulked that afternoon, then hit the ground running. You sent your resume to over 300 places; even if they weren't hiring. It quickly paid off. The next Monday you had an interview with a man named John at successful company in the Ballantyne Corporate Park (your favorite place!). You clicked with him instantly and he even made the comment that he liked your spunk. He offered you the job Wednesday and you started Friday. The best part? It pays quite a bit more than the job you initially received and provides full benefits and 401k. 

You love your job and feel like you were meant to be there. Looking back, receiving that telephone call that the other job fell through was the best thing to happen to you. Your boss believes in you, gives you immense creative freedom, and provides just enough direction for you to grow, but still be independent. You work long, hard hours, you are constantly interrupted all day everyday while doing your work, always get thrown into meetings, you plan events and office functions constantly, and multitasking has never been so chaotic. You love every minute of it though. 

You find another apartment. You move back to the apartment complex that you lived in when you rented your very first apartment. It's 2 miles away from your job and the 5 minute commute every morning is wonderful. Because of your financial situation you are able to get a spacious one-bedroom apartment that is almost 900 square feet! Since you are back at that apartment complex, you join LA Fitness again and your apartment building happens to be right beside of it. You and Kel are back to your old routine of training together everyday after work. 

You're home, Liz. You are home. Remember when you had to abruptly change your life at the end of 2012 and everything was just a freaking mess? Well, 2013 is a mess too. You know that by now. It calms down, though. You are back in the Ballantyne area; your favorite place to be. The only place that has ever felt like home. 

Where does all of this leave your relationship though?

You are not with him anymore. And I wish I could tell you that you let go and never look back, but you don't. You never will. You love him far too much for it to ever be that easy; whether he deserves it or not. You knew you needed to leave though. You did not want too, but you had too. You are brave for that. That will happen November 1st. It's going to be hard. You are going to cry yourself to sleep so many nights. You are going to lie awake in bed and ache for his presence. You are going to doubt your decisions. You are going to have panic attacks. You're going to go through a dark period of depression. Nothing and no one can take that pain away. You are just going to have to be strong and pull through. Allow yourself to hurt and accept the pain so you can move on. 

You don't stop loving him and you never will. You know how you are. Tomorrow you are going to love him just as much as you do today. He was such a paramount part of your life; but for once you are going to love yourself more. You will have a lot of twists, turns, ups, and downs over this, but you keep going. You pray, you work hard, and you keep faith and hope alive in your heart. That is all you can do when it comes to that.

Surprisingly, the breakup is not the hardest part though. Your weight is. 

You have had a rough year... and your body and health have been through a lot. This caused you to gain a lot of weight. Your job situation and relationship just added to the cause. You let yourself go, Liz. You always knew what you were doing to yourself, but you were so mentally exhausted that you did not care. You still have a few more months of gaining weight until you realize this though.

Are you ready? You are going to weigh 262 pounds before you change your life.

November 25th, 2013 is a Monday; Dad's birthday (he is still hanging on, by the way). You will go to work at your fabulous new job and have a doctors appointment at 6PM for your annual physical. To kill time before your appointment, you go to Target to purchase some new clothes for work. However, nothing fits. Even a size 18 does not fit. Can you believe that? A size 18 does not fit you anymore. That is how bad it gets. You are going to break down in the dressing room, a Target employee is going to check on you, and then out of embarrassment you are going to run out of the store. Going to your doctors appointment and seeing the number on the scale right after this incident is just the icing on the cake. Thank God it was enough to push you over the edge and make you change your life.

Girl, you do it too! You have done it before and you can do it again. Except this time, you work even harder! You dig even deeper within yourself and face your inner demons head on. What is even better is that you write about it. You open yourself up and share your struggles and problems, even though they are embarrassing. That is because you are confident but humble, and it is important for you to do this to help other people. You have stuck with your blog, and made so many amazing friends. That makes it even more important to be a positive guide for someone who is roaming through the darkness that engulfed you for so long.

You love to write and you dream of that being your career. You did not want to die a dreamer, and you still don't. The difference is now you work harder than you ever have. You are down 63 pounds and have only 25 more to go. You blog at least 5 times a week. You are also well into your first book. It is not the mafia series you want to do, though. You need to dedicate much more time to research for that series. The book you are working on now is much more appropriate for you to be writing. You are healing through writing this book. Your hope is for this book is to inspire and give hope to people all across the world. There is also someone interested in being your agent and publishing companies that you have been talking too. You are being cautious though. You want this done right because it could set the foundation for the future. Keep taking your time and educating yourself. Knowledge is power. And when it comes to something like this, you need as much power as you can obtain.

Thus far 2014 has been the biggest year of your entire life. You have grown so much as a woman and as an adult. It is going to be loneliest year for you too, but you need it. You need to give up some of your social life for once and stop being so caught up in the "now". If you don't want to die a dreamer, you have to put in the work. Extraordinary dreams and goals require extraordinary effort and dedication. You are going to have to remind yourself of that almost everyday, because you do get exhausted. But keep trying. Push yourself to do the best you can every single day. That way, if you do die a dreamer, at least you tried. 

I always hear the quote "You do not know how strong you are until it is the only choice you have". I disagree with that. I believe that "You don't know how strong you are until you have every reason to give up and be defeated, but you don't." You keep fighting and you keep trying. That is strength, and right now, a year later, you are fighting and trying every single day of your life.

Lastly, I want to let you know that at the end of May you are going to cut 5 inches from your hair. It is going to suck. 

Oh and Robin Williams died last week. It was heartbreaking.

Love,

25 year old-August of 2014-Liz

"You Are So Pretty... for Someone of Your Size"

One of the biggest compliments I receive from my readers is that they appreciate my honesty and writings of not just the good in life and health, but also the bad. That makes me connect with you on a deeper the level; the level I strive for. I do not just want to be another "health and fitness blogger". I want to mean more to you than that. By sharing my afflictions, demons, addictions, and struggles, you all help me become a better person. 

There is a contrasting side though. Unfortunately there are people in the world, who take the weaknesses you share, and manipulate them to bring hate and use against you. However, I believe that if you acknowledge your weaknesses and are aware of them, then the power is in your control. Today I want to take control of something that has deeply affected my life. 

Typically I try to shy around from writing posts that eulogize one female body type over the other. I am a curvy, muscular woman; and I love my curves, however, they do not make me more of a woman than someone who has a thin body type with small assets. I loathe the popular quote "real women have curves". It is discriminatory and dividing. If you have a vagina, you are a real woman. Real women are not determined by their body type or shape. 

What I do want, is to bring awareness to the size of health. The world sometimes has a misconstrued standard on what a "fit and healthy" person-- specifically women should look like. 

I have received some pretty heartbreaking comments about my looks over the course of my lifetime; which at 25 years old may not seem like a lot, but it has been a chaotic journey. I grew up as an ugly duckling that no one ever gave a second thought or glance. I finally started to change when I was 16 years old. I was still not thin or small by any standards, but I was healthy. I was in the weight room at school lifting weights with the guys, I ran track, and was a cheerleader. 

When I graduated high school, and began college while still working part-time, my weight ballooned to it's highest. Below are some of the comments I received from my family, friends, and complete strangers. I can recite a few of them verbatim. One never forgets something like this: 

"If I had a face like yours, I would wire my mouth shut to prevent me to from eating."

A family member of mine was showing some of my photography pictures [like the one above; I like to pose and take "artistic" like pictures sometimes for fun] to her friends. One of her friends made the comment:
"Who cares if she has the face of a model? She is fat so none of it matters".

"You are so pretty... for someone who is your size."

"Can you imagine what you would look like if you did not have all of your weight holding you back?"

"She is actually really pretty to be a big girl"

It was never fun to hear comments like that. Some of the comments I knew were malicious; but sometimes it would be hard to decipher the intent: to be kind or passive aggressive? Nonetheless, I did not dwell on them. 

It was not until I received similar comments this year, that they effected to me.

The first was in February: 

It was a Saturday afternoon, it was warm, and Kelly and I were on the way to the "Spring Home and Garden Show". I felt confident; I was 3 months into my weight loss journey, had lost over 20 pounds, and was wearing a pair of white capris that had not fit in a long time. I was so happy that they fit, that I remember dancing around to Kelleigh Bannen's new single "Famous" in my living room before I left. 

On the way to show, we stopped at a gas station so I could get gas and Kelly a coffee. I walked into the gas station once I finished pumping gas to find Kelly. As we were waiting in line to pay, a woman walks up to me and says "You know how to dress your body well. You're bigger, but you have good style.".

I said nothing. I was so taken back that I just stood there. She continued; "I mean you are really pretty and I like the fact that even though you aren't skinny, you dress yourself well". 

I finally muttered a "thank you" then ran out of the gas station. Kelly was behind me; her face almost as red as mine. Being the best friend she is, she assured me that it was a compliment and that the woman just did not know how to properly deliver what she was trying to say.

I understood that, but it still hurt. It had been a long time since someone had made a comment like that; at least to my face. It just caught me so off guard. The first thing this woman noticed was my size. I had felt so confident and been working so hard; whether the comment was meant in a positive way or not, it hurt. 

The second instance was in May: 

It was not a good weekend. My plans had fallen through that I paid a lot of money for, and I felt like nothing was going right. My girlfriend Alexis stepped in and saved the weekend though. She and I decided to spend the day together. I had gotten new clothes the night before and was excited to wear them out. 

For the first time in years, I was going to wear shorts. I wore black shorts with a really pretty white blouse, black and white wedge heels, and a black and white necklace. I am no fashionista, but this outfit made me confident. I thought I did a good job (for someone like me).

Alexis and I went to the movies then out for dinner and drinks. Once we finished, I realized I needed to go by the grocery store for something. As I was walking through an aisle, two women approached me. One of the women put her hand in front of me and moved it up and down. She smiled and said "Honey this works". I laughed and asked what she meant. She said "You have curves and you dress them well. You look great. Your looks really suits you". 

I smiled and told her thank you. This did not hurt like the other one did. I felt more confident in myself. The only thing that really "irritated" me, is that once again, my body was brought into it. Why is it not enough to say "I think you're pretty", "I think you dress well",  or "I like your outfit today".

The most recent comments were written over features I have had online about my blog and/or my weight loss journey.

They were from women thanking the author or company for featuring a woman that was not small or skinny. For featuring a woman that gave them hope... that showed it's plausible to be healthy, but not have to be thin. 

Then I understood the comments; everything came together. 

Like I said, I have received comments similar to this most of my adult life. I did not understand the stigma that had to come along with them: why could someone not just say they liked my hair, makeup, outfit, that I am pretty, etc.... why did people sound so shocked to see that because a woman was not thin, she could still dress her body nicely and look attractive?

Years ago and even earlier this year, I would get so upset and talk to my mom about these comments. Her reply was always "maybe you need to break the mold and boundaries. Maybe you are meant to inspire and break stereotypes. Embrace your body's makeup; do not let this defeat you". I shrugged her attempts at consoling me off since she was not telling me how awful people were and how sorry she felt for me. I would pretend to agree and think to myself, "I will be thin one day, I'll show them". Now I understand what my mom was trying to say. Now I understand what other people were trying to say. 

Health and fitness have many different shapes and sizes. A person does not have to look like who you see in magazines, TV shows, and/or fitness competitions to be healthy. I may not look like some of the fitness bloggers out there, but I am now in great shape.

Since I have lost a significant amount of weight thus far, I have closely monitored my health. In November of 2013, per my doctor at my annual physical, I was rapidly approaching "morbid obesity". I had put on so much weight; and at the rate I was gaining, I was only a few months away from 300 pounds. The triglycerides in my blood were abnormally high, but I was fortunate enough to not be at risk for diabetes, however I had to make an immediate change. 

Since that checkup, I changed my life drastically. I dropped a ton of body fat, added a lot of lean muscle, strengthened my cardiovascular system, corrected my view of food... and in a sense, made over my life; not just my body. I had my blood drawn again last month at an RLS checkup appointment, and I have corrected my health 100%. All levels are not just normal, they are great, and I'm in nearly perfect health, even though I still have about 25 more pounds that I personally want to lose. 

I do not know who developed this standard that one must feel they have to follow; but I would like to break it. I may not be thin and small, but I am solid, curvy, muscular, and in great health. I can hike mountains, do single armed bicep curls with 17.5 pound dumbbells for 3 sets of 15 repetitions all the while ensuring my form is perfect. I can leg press 270 pounds comfortably and for just as many repetitions, but I do not fit the mold whatsoever as skinny or thin. The truth be told, no matter how much weight I lose, those words will never be accurate adjectives to describe my looks. Well, I suppose I could be if I wanted to stop lifting weights, boxing, and force myself to follow a strict nutrition plan; but I know what that would lead me to mentally; and it would not in anyway be beneficial. 

I am more than happy to show the world that you can be curvy, thick, muscular, and most of all healthy. (I would also like to add that the opposite could be true. A person could be genetically just very small and be mistaken for anorexic or bulimic; yet they're perfectly healthy. I just did not write on the subject because I do not have direct experience. That is part of the reason why I was hesitant to write this post; because I know it must be just as disconcerting for people to think you are sick and need help, when you don't). To me, healthy living is all about balance. I enjoy "bad" foods at times, and enjoy clean foods most of the time. I stay active, get plenty of rest, and most of all I have found a happy median when it comes to fitness and maintaining great health.

I overcame binging on foods, stuffing myself with junk until I was sick-- an all out addiction to food, and depression to this point. I may not fit a typical mold that one may expect, but I am healthy and fit. I do not hold myself to unrealistic standards either-- and if you are, and that is what is preventing you from even starting a weight loss journey, let it go. I know that feeling all too well. I would see the women on the fitness magazines and think "My God, look at me. I will never get to where they are". Those thoughts would prevent me from even trying. You have to specifically learn your body and know yourself before you can find what will work for you. That is precisely what I had to do and 63 pounds lighter, it worked. For me personally, it is important for me to keep this median that I have, because if my diet were to become too strict, it would undoubtedly pull me back into those awful eating habits.

Throughout my recent journey and now understanding those comments, I can for once in my life say I love who I am. My imperfections, my genetic build, the strength that I have had to exude. My only hope for whomever is reading this is that you can find it within to love yourself, too. Please love who you are. Love yourself for your strength, for your work ethic, for your drive, for your family values, for your artistic ability. Your body and looks should never define your worth. I hated myself for so long, and it is such a miserable way to live. I hated every single atom of my physical makeup. I chastised every imperfection I had and let it tear me apart. 

Now I embrace them: I have a gap in my teeth, the upper part of stomach holds no fat and because of that, my lower stomach carries it all. It would make me cringe the way my lower stomach would stick out.  It looked especially awful in bathing suits. My butt is abnormally large for my body ratio-- and before school in the mornings, when I was young, I would stare at my body in the mirror in the living room tugging, pulling, ensuring my shirt was big and baggy enough to cover it so it would not stick out as much. Now I love it. I have lines on my forehead, and deep smile lines around my eyes. My face is very red without makeup. I have imperfections and now I embrace and accept them, because they make me who I am. This is who I am supposed to be. 

I may not be the standard picture for fitness. I may not be what someone ever aspires to be, but one by one, I am going to keep "surprising" people until this standard of health and beauty is finally broken. I am finally content with that. 

My blog and my story is about being healthy and happy; they are the same thing. A healthy mind brings a healthy body. And if there is one thing I have learned, it is that a weight loss journey is more about a person's mind than their body. The first step to change your life is to love who you are. I wish I had learned this a lot sooner. 

"Pretty, Lies": An Introduction (and Excerpt) to My Book

Disclaimer: Grab a cup of coffee or cocktail before you read this. You may need it. 

We all have dreams. We all have goals. We all have feelings and intuitions in regards to our life's purpose. Have you ever felt like you were meant to do something? That is how I feel when it comes to writing. 

I am not ridiculously talented at anything in life that would cause me to immensely standout amongst any crowd. I do not have an IQ that is so exceptional, it enabled me to receive scholarships to a top ivy league school. I do not come from background or family that has a prodigious amount of money. When I think about it, I am just an ordinary girl who has extraordinary dreams. 

I may not have any outstanding qualities or circumstances that could instantly catapult me  to success the way I want it, but I do have a strong mind that is constantly willing to learn, an understanding of hard work and what is required of me, and a heart that though it has been broken and bruised, never gives up. Those qualities are enough to provide me hope; which in my opinion, is the foundation if you want to accomplish anything.

I have dreams of growing Fitness Blondie to be the number 1 destination for all things health, fitness, and weight loss. More so, I want my blog to always be a place where you find hope and inspiration. Health is something so many of us struggle with for our entire lives; and I do not just mean in weight loss. Mental health... emotional health. Self-esteem. All of those issues are related. I want this website to be a resource where you can find ideas, have a laugh, get that bit of motivation to say "OK, I will go to the gym", connect with other people-- make new friends, and know that there is someone out there who genuinely enjoys seeing people happy and will do everything possible to help. Also, I still want to chronicle random and fun things about my everyday life. After all, I call this place my online scrapbook. I read my old posts often and cherish even the most mundane of memories. 

Fitness Blondie will be the launching pad. Additionally, I want to write books. I have so many stories and ideas that I want to tell. If everything comes together full circle and I do become successful, the last thing I want to do is travel and give motivational speeches. I have an entrepreneurial spirit and all three of my big goals are directly related. 

So there are my hopes and dreams. Of course there are a plethora of details on how I plan to execute these visions, but at least that provides an overview so I hopefully make sense in my actions and words. 

I think I am doing OK thus far with my blog. I have been writing for 14 months with a couple of small breaks due to unfortunate circumstances. I try to do a good mix of posts, be consistent, and always authentic. However, you can't force someone to like you, so I do what I can, and the rest is up to fate. I am still in the middle of my weight loss journey with 25 more pounds to lose, which I am continuing by clean eating and following my exercise regimen. In the meantime, I work a full-time job that enables me to have a roof over my head and food on my table.

With all of that being listed and said, in March I started planning my first book called Fearless. It is to be a memoir in depth about my life with recipes not shown on the blog, specific details on different workout plans I have created throughout the years, etc. I was well into writing, but then I realized I am not ready. I am not as fearless as I want to be yet. I am still developing. Nor do I feel like my story in life has been written enough for me to share. So I put it on hold. To be frank, I do not feel worthy to write Fearless just yet. Keyword: yet. I go back to the drawing board to think about what I am going to do next. Finally, last month, I knew the book I needed to write. 

So that is where I am right now. This is the "sneak peak" and the announcement. It feels deeply intimate to be sharing this; I feel as if I am standing naked in front of crowd. I know some are going to think my book synopsis is stupid and that I will never be published or make it, and that is alright. It is to be expected when you open yourself up to the world. 

As far as the logistics on my book, I do not really have any... yet. I have a good friend who is lawyer that is going to help, and I am in speaking with a person who has a career in the industry. I am receiving a bit of guidance and I am learning. 

I hope to finish the book by the end of September. I am not one to say I am going to do something and then not do it. I may not finish it by the deadline, and if I don't, it will certainly be by October. I work well under pressure, but I do not want to burn out. I still have a full-time job, this blog, 25 pounds to lose, and an apartment and cat to take of. Ha. But I am working hard. Because right now, it is do or die. I'm making sacrifices. I do not know what I will do about publishing. There are a lot of different avenues and possibilities, thus I will carefully access all choices that could be available for me. 

I'm scared. Honestly, I am so damn scared. There are so many celebrities who "write" books and people who are "better" than me who write; so why would anyone want to publish or read what I have to say? What if they laugh at me for thinking I could possibly make this dream a reality? What if people think I am delusional for thinking a dream like this could be plausible? Thoughts like that are coursing through my mind every step of the way. However this time, that's not going to stop me. This time, I'm going to be fearless and try. 

Over the next couple of months, I want to periodically share excerpts and updates on the book and how the process is progressing. I may share a specific senario, quote, or paragraph; it will vary. I just want to keep it interesting, get the word out, try to spread it, and receive any feedback or comments anyone may have.

Here goes nothing. 

Know Your Worth

A good quality that I have is... I think. I study. I am open-minded. I am inquisitive. A bad quality I have is... I over think a lot. I believe what I over think most about is human behavior. This prompted me to major in Forensic Psychology in college because I am utterly fascinated by why people believe what they do, and why they do what they do. The media is probably what intrigues me most, namely social media. 

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, blogs, etc. enable news and opinions to reach large audiences in an expeditious amount of time. This is helpful and convenient, but it is also disheartening. Everyone voices their opinion on articles, pictures, statuses-- and anyone can say whatever they want. They can also do this anonymously or behind a fake avatar. 

The older I get, the more I pay attention to the world's [media] opinion on women. I see a plethora of comments degrading women as they grow older and/or after having children. The stigma's are endless: women are only beautiful and desirable in their youth, women are only taken seriously if they look and dress a certain way, women need to ensure they engage in this and this to please a man or else he will leave or cheat. My list could go on (to no one's surprise). Being young and blissful enabled me to never give a prolonged thought about these opinions, but now that I am getting older, I find myself disgusted at times by things I read. 

Below are just a few statements I have heard or read on media outlets, social media, and/or have been said about me personally:

I read and see things written like this everyday. The media and the world is hard on everyone: men, women, black, white, young, and old. Everyone has issues they encounter on a daily basis-- no race or gender is exempt. Comments and posts about women just hit me specifically because, well I am one. Due to today's prodigious amounts of news outlets, magazines, television and reality shows, social media platforms, and so on, it is more imperative to know your worth and define yourself and value by your own standards.

Part of the reason why I am so adamant about finding happiness within yourself and firmly believe happiness is a choice, is because of how these degrading and disheartening opinions are voiced. Maybe the world has always been this way, but due the readily accessible information and opinions about everything, it is easier to see it.

This has made me come to the realization that I need to be strong.

How profound that must sound, right?

I realize I need to be stronger than I initially thought. I truly need to realize and know my worth. This is me "practicing what I preach write". If I feel like others need to know their worth, I first have to know my own.

Here are thoughts I have on issues that I feel hit me directly: 

Men are so much sexier with age; yet women just become ugly, crazy, and undesirable. This scares me. I am 25 years old and I want to find my life partner just as much as anyone else. However, I do not know when that will happen nor do I feel as if this is something I would ever want to rush or settle for. Nor is it something I feel like my life needs to revolve around. Due to the fact that I am growing older, will that make me become less desirable? Do I need to rush out and find someone now so I do not die alone? 

I know my worth: I am more than a body. I am more than skin. Just because I have not settled down does not mean I am undesirable and/or crazy; it just means I have not found the right person yet. It means that I take relationships and marriage seriously, and I would rather be alone that settle for anything less that what feels meant for me. It shows that I can be alone and be OK until the time is right.

I hope that one day those qualities will be able to triumph the wrinkles I may have on my face.

 Because I enjoy wearing makeup, I look like a "hooker" and will never be taken seriously. Why does makeup appear to so easily define a person's morals or values? If one wears makeup they must be covering insecurities or trying to hide themselves. If one wears too much makeup, they have to be sleazy, easy, and stupid. 

Sexy is subjective; that is the best thing about it. Sexy does not have to mean nudity or sex. Sexy also means appealing and/or exciting. I find makeup sexy, and it it something I enjoy. I know I look fine without it. I look younger without it, and I do not always wear it. I consider makeup an art and my face a canvas. Makeup is how I express myself. This stigma that comes with wearing makeup, tattoos, piercings, and/or colorful hair (for example when I had red streaks) is frustrating. Just because a woman enjoys feeling sexy and/or wearing makeup does not mean she lacks morals, values, and a brain. This may sound absolutely unheard of, but it is entirely possible to have all of those qualities. 

This when I have to know my worth. I know that I am more than the makeup on my face-- and sure, I could change it... but then I would be changing something that I love to do, and express myself with, so the world will look at me differently. I refuse to do that, so I have to be strong, understand the judgement and stereotype that comes along with it, and know my worth. I can only hope that maybe by reading my words, someone out there will judge someone less critically because they have a different physical appearance. 

Cheating is the norm these days. It just happens -- we see it so often that it is not a big deal anymore. Because of social media, lines are so easily crossed with inappropriate picture comments, posted pictures, and private messages. For anyone married, in a relationship, or battling this: know you worth. If there is ever something that that can make you feel so worthless, it's being cheated on. Am I not beautiful enough? Am I not desirable? Do I not do enough? Why did I cause someone to engage in this behavior? It's not you, it's them. Men and women who are labeled as the most beautiful on earth have been cheated on. Sometimes people are selfish. Sometimes people make compulsive decisions without thinking of the consequences. That is not your problem; it's theirs. That is when you have to remember to know your worth.

To be frank, relationships in the day and age really do scare me. So often people never seemed satisfied. So often people to seem to only care about sex -- the quantity of partners seem to matter; not the quality, chemistry, and connection someone has with one person. We can easily keep in touch with ex-partners, share racy photos of ourselves to strangers, secretly text on applications that hide phone numbers... it is so easy in this world to not be in love or take relationships and vows seriously. If you put your heart and soul into someone, and it is not reciprocated, you deserve better because you obviously value the relationship your in. Value is worth, and your worth is more than that.

Those are just a few of the issues I am touching on, because the stigmas people attach to issues similar to those above are endless. This blog post could go on for days. This is just the beginning of my understanding of growing older. 

It is hard to change the way that people think. Often times voicing your opinion on matters is similar to speaking to a brick wall. Though we can not always change the way that someone thinks, acts, and/or feels about us, we can always know our own worth. That is what has helped and is still helping me overcome  unrealistic expectations, judgement, and stereotypes that I have personally encountered throughout my life.

If you are going through a hard time, if someone is making you feel less than you are, or if you read something is immensely discouraging; remember your worth. Before you consider media standard's and others opinions... know who you are, what you stand for, and what you work hard for in life - that is your worth.

PS: About 5 minutes after I published this post, I saw this headline. This is one of the things I am talking about:

... funny that we have to prove that as women get older they're not "invisible". 

Battling My Food Addiction and Emotional Eating

This is a topic that I have wanted to write about since I changed my life 6 months ago. I have so many things in my head and in my heart to share about my personal battle with food addiction. This is something that I will fight for the rest of my life. My eating habits were embedded into me when I was a child; at my most vulnerable and most crucial learning stages. Unfortunately, since the habits were embedded into me as a child, they had over 18 years to grow and develop. 

I would like to preface by saying we are all in a sense "addicted to food". We must consume it in order to live. Furthermore, it is the American and probably an all around human way to celebrate achievements, birthday's, anniversaries, etc. with food. However, there is a balance that is built around those. We must eat in order to survive and be healthy. Celebrating with food is not just about the food; it's about the togetherness, being social, laughing, and creating memories. Survival and celebrating include food, but food is not the main focus. For me, it was. 

Some may not believe there is such a thing as an addiction to food. I am here to state otherwise. I am openly admitting that I have a problem with food. I have an addiction. I had an obsession. I have an emotional dependency. I finally recognized this 6 months ago when I started my new weight loss journey. This time, on my new weight loss journey, I thought extensively and in depth about my issues with food. I decided that my new weight loss journey was going to be even better when I lost weight back in 2008. I am older, wiser, and this time I need to permanently instill proper eating habits, continue my education, and most of all, overcome my addiction and emotional dependency on food. 

I put on over 65 pounds between the end of 2012 and 2013. I was going through so many problems and hardships. The problems were in all sorts of areas; I felt as if I could not escape. Medical, personal, and professional. I was mentally and physically hitting breaking points. In order to survive emotionally, my brain was prompting me to find comfort, which lead me to food. I was lead to food because for the first 18 years of my life, so much of my happiness revolved around it. When I started to result back to that habit in 2012, I knew that food was not the answer; food was just a temporary void. I knew that and I would indulge in it anyway. For months and months, I heavily gave into my addiction. The more I gave in, the easier it became to make binging and bad foods a regular habit, and the faster I started to gain weight and undo years of training and weight loss.

When I was growing up, food was easily handed as a reward, a treat, a celebration and rarely were restrictions issued and healthy choices presented to me. I could have cake and ice-cream for breakfast, and I did, many times, and I could eat 6 slices of pizza at dinner, and I did, many times. When I would get bullied at school, my junk food was there for me. When a former family member would call me worthless and told me the only thing I would ever be good for is sex, and that I would never make anything out of myself, junk food was there for me. When I was sad, junk food was there. When I was happy, junk food was there. When I was bored, junk food was there. 

When I started my initial weight loss journey in September of 2008 I did not realize I had an addiction to food. I knew that I overate and binged at times, but I did not consider the root of my actions. I did not grasp just how huge the problem actually was. I was 19 years old and all I knew is that I wanted to enjoy my early 20's and not spend it showering with the light off because I could not stand seeing my naked body in a big bathroom mirror. 

For about 3 years, my weight was under control. I slipped a little, here and there, which I expect, but I still continued a lot of the habits from when I was a child, without realizing it. It was October of 2012 that my addiction to food surfaced like never before. I turned to food for everything. Food consumed my thoughts. I constantly thought about my next meal and what was it going to be. I would still buy healthy food and food prep, but it all went to waste. It would come time to eat my clean meals and I wouldn't because it didn't make me happy. Going to buy pizza and ice-cream made me happy. I would avoid going out with my friends because all I wanted to do was go buy a bunch of junk food and be alone. At my old job, our office was right beside of a large grocery store. I could not tell you the times that I walked over there and purchased ice-cream, chips, subs, and more. Some nights I would crave fast food so bad, that at 10 PM, in my pajamas, I would go get it and put the bags inside of my purse or a large bag so no one could see me walk up to my apartment with it. I would get so sick feeling from being so full, but I would still continue eating because it made me happy. 

Because of the downfall that began in October of 2012, I passed up one of the biggest opportunities I have ever had in life. Well, I actually didn't "pass it up", I let it slip. In July of last year, producers of a big day time talk show were relentlessly contacting me to negotiate a weekly, permanent, weight loss and fitness segment on their show. I never returned calls or emails. By this time, I had been in a bad place for nearly 9 months. I was consumed by emotional pain and the weight was piling on.  In the back of my head, I always knew what I was doing was wrong. However, the temporary fill that food provided me ruled my coping and ability of reason.

I honestly felt like all hope was gone. I was in such a sad place in my life and everyday I tried to fake a smile to the people around me. I faked my happiness on Facebook, my blog, and to the outside world and people who knew me, you would have never known the inner battles I was facing. I constantly looked at my body naked in the mirror and I would just tug at the fat and cry. I would look at myself in disbelief that I was letting myself go. I was disgusted by myself. Even my mother noticed the changes in my behavior when she came down to stay with me. I would hate going to the gym because I knew people could see I was getting heavier. I would cry on my kitchen floor and in the shower because I felt like I was such a nobody. I was a young adult who was in a relationship that was awful, I had a dying job... I applied and interviewed constantly for new opportunities and nothing was coming through, I was healing from medical issues, and I was losing my passion for life. I felt like such a waste of life. I was a nobody, living a nobody life, barely getting by, living for my next meal, and simply existing. Last year was the darkest time of my life. I made food become my comfort to temporarily heal and deal with the pain. 

This past November, I finally started to come back to the woman I know I am. I obtained a new job that I am so damn grateful for and happy at, I ended a bad relationship, moved into a new apartment, joined the old gym I previously worked at, and it felt like a fresh start for me. I got to work. I knew this time losing weight, I wanted to face my addiction to food head on. I wanted to fight it. I wanted to change the way my mind thought about and saw food. I knew this time that I had a problem with food that needed to be addressed and dealt with. If you have an addiction to something, do not let the problem define you. Do not become a victim seeking pity. Let your fight define you. Let how you overcome the problem define you. 

I am writing about this now because I am really implementing changes. I coach myself every single day. And for once, I am really, really proud of the strength and control I now exude when it comes my nutrition. I believe that more people have emotional issues with food than they realize. By sharing my story, I hope to help at least 1 person. If just one person feels like they can fight and overcome their battle with my words, then my openness is worth it. 

When someones asks me how I have overcome this addiction and/or lost weight; the answer is always simple, and I feel like my answer disappoints a lot of people as well. I have done this simply because I accept that it is up to me to do so. I do this by coaching myself. I do this by educating myself and by making my mind and heart stronger. This is called motivation. Motivation is the number 1 thing a person needs to lose weight and/or transform their life from any problems they are encountering. However, here is the stipulation about motivation; it cannot be bought. It cannot be surgically implanted. It cannot be taken every morning with a glass of water. Motivation has to come from a person being mentally stronger than they have ever been. It comes from one being able to push through the "hard". 

"I tell myself that I am going to start looking at food differently. Food does not fix my problems. I tell myself this everyday. If I make a habit of telling myself this, I will eventually believe it". This worked. I believe it now. When I first started losing weight, I would tell myself this everyday and I would repeat it when I felt like I wanted to binge. It stopped me many times."When I find myself reaching for food. I always stop and ask myself; am I really hungry or am I doing this out of habit?" Engaging in this habit has saved me so many times, especially at night, which is my biggest problem. Actually, I stopped myself at least 4-5 times over the past few weeks. By doing this, I make myself stop and realize what I am doing. This causes me to think about my actions, not just give into a sudden craving. 

The biggest tip I can offer above those listed is that every single small healthy choice you make is a step in the right direction. Because when you do make good choices, and you do it often, it becomes a habit. You may feel overwhelmed with transforming your life, and that is why you take it one day at a time. Think of it as starting a new job. Most people walk into that not knowing anything. They learn all new processes, rules, and more. We all feel overwhelmed with that. However, we spend time learning and we work everyday. Overtime it becomes second nature. This is the same thing. The hardest part is just believing in oneself because it requires so much motivation and dedication... and no one can provide you that except for yourself. 

When you want to lose weight, but have no idea where to start

I get asked the question a lot, what did you do to lose weight? That question is usually followed by the comment; "I want to lose weight, but I have no idea what to do or how to get started". Losing weight is so simple, unbelievably simple. However, even though it is simple, it is not easy. To lose weight all you need to do is eat clean, exercise, and stay motivated. It sounds simple, right? Repeat those steps everyday and you will be able to lose weight.

I sincerely believe the biggest obstacle people struggle with is staying motivated. Unfortunately motivation is not something you can buy. There is no magic motivation pill you can pop once a day, nor a surgical procedure you can go under for and be done with it. Motivation comes deep within yourself and it is something that you have to push yourself with everyday on your journey.

When I decided that I had to lose weight, It was a Tuesday afternoon in September of 2008. I was 19 years old. I was at the doctor's office and a nurse had just weighed me and took my blood pressure as they always do when a patient comes from an appointment. I felt numb. I was 19 years old and weighed 276 pounds. I had gained 116 pounds in two years. Throughout high school, especially my senior year, I stayed very muscular and fit. However, I graduated early, and from January 2007 to September 2008, life to me meant nothing but partying, binging, fast food, and skipping the gym. I was at the doctor that September day to talk to my MD about depression. I had been battling it off and on. I would shower with the lights off because I could not stand to see myself naked. I would cry in the dressing rooms of any stores I was in because clothes never fit me correctly. I started to never see my friends because I hated going out with them. I was the fattest and ugliest of the group, so why even bother to go out? I just wanted to stay home and feel sorry for myself. And I wanted food to comfort me. 

When my doctor came in the room to talk to me, I told her what I was going through. We talked for about half an hour and she thought I should see a Psychologist. She was just a small town medical Doctor and she concluded that my problems were better fit for a Psychologist to evaluate. When I left, I sat in my car and replayed the conversation that just ensued and I thought really hard about what I told her. My problems sounded different when I said them aloud. For the first time, I told someone why I was feeling depressed. It was then sitting in my car, that I decided I had to lose weight. I had to change my life. I was 19 years old and I should be in the best shape of my life - having the best time of my life. My depression was not due to a neurological chemical imbalance to where I would need medication, it was because I loathed myself so much.

When I arrived home from the doctor, I started my research. That is how I initially got started. I did a lot of research to make myself learn. I could not afford a fancy weight loss program or a trainer to do all of the work for me and I just follow their lead. I knew that I wanted to learn so my change could be permanent. I went online and looked up YouTube videos for exercise and healthy eating, I would look up clean eating recipes, the benefits of lean proteins, vegetables, fiber, and carbohydrates - and examples of each of those food groups. I learned the difference between a simple and complex carbohydrate as well as monounsatured and trans fats. I would read and print pictures and instructions on different weight lifting exercises and the various types of cardio such as endurance and high intensity interval training. I worked for what I wanted. If I wanted to lose weight, I needed to learn how to do it correctly. I ordered books and magazines on nutrition and fitness. There are also a plethora of weight loss blogs and websites online filled with writers who are willing to help people, such as myself! If you want to lose weight but have no idea where to start, feed your brain with information. 

After I had an idea on what to eat, I consciously made myself make better choices. That evening after I read on nutrition and fitness, I made a clean dinner. My dinner consisted of a lean protein, vegetables, and a complex carbohydrate. I made progress. I was learning, and my first step to a clean meal was successful. Next, I sat down to write out and schedule my days so I could always ensure I have a designated time to exercise. Then I woke up the next morning and had a clean breakfast. Later that day, I said no to soda. After that I avoided picking up fast food on the way home from class. These tiny, insignificant choices that one makes throughout their day completely add up when you are on a weight loss journey. Good choices are constantly made, time goes by, and the next thing you know, it has been a week and you lost 8 pounds. 

If you want to lose weight, you can start right now. If you are drinking a sugary soda, toss it. Grab a glass of water. Are you going out for dinner? Order water to drink and order lean protein such as turkey, chicken, or fish and ask the cooks to prepare it with as little butter and salt as possible. Take an hour from your day to dedicate to exercise. Instead of watching TV, playing Candy Crush, or checking out Facebook, devote that time to a good work out. If you want something in life, it is up to you to make it happen. Excuses will not get you anywhere, and finally on that day in 2008, I was ready to give the excuses up. 

As your weight loss journey progresses, eating clean and exercising will become a habit. It truly becomes second nature. It has been scientifically shown it takes 21 days to create a habit. And it is true. When you first start clean eating and exercise, it is really hard. I can't take the hard away from it. Nor can anyone else. It is just something you have to push through if you really want it. 

Here is when the best part starts to come alive The incredible feelings. The feeling when you are able to be satisfied from food - not miserably full. The feeling of energy that comes from your clean meals. I feel like I am ready to take on the world after I eat healthy. I do not have that "food coma" feeling where I am miserable and want to fall asleep. Aside from proper food choices, you have the accomplishments with working out; be it in the gym, at home, or elsewhere. I pushed through a hard workout and my body is tingling of success (that is one of my personal favorites). Your endorphin's are going crazy. I started off not being able to run a mile, now I can run 5 without stopping. I previously could only do 3 sets of 10 repetitions, 12 pound dumbbell curls, but now I can do 3 sets of 15 - with proper form. I can go harder. I can go faster. I can go longer. I look in the mirror and see myself shrinking. The pants that were too tight a month ago, are now falling off of my waist. I can see my body getting toned. I can flex my arm and see definition starting to appear.  Your hard work comes to a surface. You finally understand and you finally appreciate the hard work you have put in. These are your rewards. And they keep you going. I want to be better than I was yesterday and I can't wait to be better than that tomorrow. 

One of the bonuses about losing weight that no one really talks about is how your accomplishments effect the rest of your life. I find that I want to be a better person at my job. I want to be a better friend. I want to set harder goals. I feel so much better about myself and I have learned to love myself more than I thought possible. I proved that I can work hard and stay dedicated to improve my body and health, and I also happen to strength my mind. My confidence. My self worth. Anyone can lose weight and you get started right now. Start by making healthier choices whenever you can. Do not overwhelm yourself, just take it one step at a time. You will not lose all of the weight you want in a day, week, month, or probably even 2 months. It takes time. It takes dedication, consistency, motivation from within, and if you want to start, take initiative and do it right now. Learn anything you can about proper nutrition and exercise, talk to your friends, talk to a trainer, buy books, obtain free material online - there are millions of sources. Once you gain some knowledge, execute it by making one healthy choice at a time. 

I'm there with you! On November 25th 2013, I had to almost start over. I am building myself up again from a hard year with a lot of obstacles. And I am doing it, one bite and one calorie at a time.

 

A Low 5 for Liz This Week!

Life - 1. Liz - ZERO.

I have been off of my game big time this week. The only thing I have been successful at this week is Blogging. I wrote about my weekend, being a woman in today's society, had my blog hop, and then my most brilliant piece of literature: "The 3 most effective way to gain more followers"... something like that. I would post the links for you to revert back too, but I don't feel like it. If you want to read them, just scroll down the page.

A lot of my good blog friends know, 2013 was horrid for me health wise. I gained nearly 60 pounds from medical issues, so I have been working hard since November to get my groove back. It has been going great.

The week of 11/25 - 7.8 pounds lost.

The week of 12/2 - 2.8 pounds

The week of 12/9 - 3.5 pounds

The week of 12/16 - 2.5 pounds

The week of 12/23 - 5 pounds

Total down: 21.6 pounds

My last weigh in was last Tuesday, New Years Eve. I went back yesterday and I have gained 2.4 pounds. The doctor did add that my water levels were elevated so that could contribute, but I think he said that to make me feel better. 

You know, it is what is. I can't change the number today on the scale, but when I go back next week for my vitamin injection, I can. I think my problem is the holidays being over. I lost weight over Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I held strong. My mom came into town last week and we went out a lot, then I got sick, and being back at work this week, the first 5-day work week in almost 3 weeks, has just been hard. I am off of my game from travelling, being with family, enjoying time off, and doing fun things. I am not perfect and I never will be, so the only thing I can do it just keep pushing. I am going to make it a good weekend and just revamp myself. Next week, that scale better watch the hell out. 

Moving on. This week I decided to change up my breakfasts a little bit. I usually have 3 egg whites mixed with fat free cottage and feta cheese - cooked via stove top. It is actually delicious or maybe I am just crazy, but I enjoy it. I have been eating it every morning for over a month though. I had to switch it up. I made the most delicious smoothie. 

• A handful of frozen strawberries/bananas - I use the bag of frozen fruits from Dole
• 1 scoop of Vanilla Protein Powder. I use 100% Whey, the brand changes, it is usually whatever is cheapest.
• 1 tablespoon of Peanut Butter. I am currently using a peanut butter that has raisins and nuts mixed into it - delicious
• 1 handful of fresh spinach
• 1 cup of Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Milk (Blue Diamond brand, all others are gross and higher in calories)
• Blend like hell to perfection. I have this $20 blender from WalMart and that little sucker is a trooper. I just keep it on the liquefy setting for about a minute and I am good to go.

Monday night I watched a video on YouTube because I have been wanting to try some cute up-do's for work. My hair is getting super long and sometimes I don't feel like styling it. Plus I only try to wash it 3 times a week since it is so chemically treated. Thus, I wanted to learn how to do the head braid. It is not way hard, but it is not that easy either. It took me a good 45 minutes, but I think I did OK. It was nice sleeping in 15 extra minutes too. I woke up, sprayed leave in conditioner to eliminate frizz and I was good to go.

When my mom stayed last week, she brought her Kindle Fire for me to have. Excited was an understatement. She bought herself a Galaxy Tab for Christmas so she did not need her Kindle anymore. I finally turned it on and set out to buy my first book. You guys listed some great ideas for me, too. I bought the second book of "The Original Sinners" series. It is similar to "50 Shades of Grey" in the essence that BDSM is involved, but T.O.S is much, much better and realistic. If you're into weird stuff like me, you will love the series. If you are just into erotic novels, it may be a little much for you, because it is so real, but it is a GOOD read.

Since I live in Antarctica, I mean North Carolina, I have really had to bundle up lately. Damn it has been cold. I have a ton of scarfs from my grandmother but I never wear them because they are complicated and annoying. However, this week, I made an exception. It was cold. I like this black shiny one I was given so I decided to drape it over me. It looks a little weird over me maybe, but I liked it!

This wraps up my my Friday 5, so I would like to leave you with this amazing picture of my boo bear. He is so dang cute!

*Be sure to check out my link-up page, there is a lot going on today, you need to join in!

Have a great weekend!