Blogging and social media are ambiguous. On one side, I love sharing random pictures and writings of my daily life happenings - even the most monotonous that I get poked fun at. Additionally, I enjoy looking into everyone's lives: because of curiosity, to find new beauty tricks, see new products, and/or find motivation, etc.
On the other side, sometimes I just want to be quiet. Sometimes I do not want to share about my life, what I am doing, and things like that. When that happens, people close to me or who read here regularly get concerned. It makes me emotional because I am still in awe that people read and follow my writings. I will never get over that either. I will never stop thanking people for reading, believing in me and seeing the good even when I can't.
Lately I have been in one of the "hermit" moods. My state of mind where I do not want to "publicly" share what is going on. There is not anything wrong, I have just felt in the mood to keep to myself a little more. Being the extrovert I am and how open I have been, I know that may sound odd, but I consider it a "phase".
I feel as if I am starting a new journey in life. I am finally free of heartache and the life I had. It took one freaking year, but I can tell you, I am absolutely free of it. Now that the smoke around me has finally settled and I can see through clear eyes, I feel different.
I do not feel weighed down by chains. I absolutely still have my inner demons that come to play more often than not, but I do not have the chains of putting myself, my heart, and my dreams last because I cared more about another person.
I have not felt this way in over 3 years.
For the most part of this year, I have worked. All of my my time has been spent by working my regular job with a lot of overtime and extra dedication, growing "Fitness Blondie" and not just as a blog, and starting a novel. Plus, numbing myself. Most of the time the only way I could do that was by working.
It is a lot. It's productive and it is essential to me as single woman who is solely responsibility for everything in life, but it is exhausting. At first, I had no balance and I wore myself out tremendously. After I recovered, I proceeded to get better at finding a balance.
Then a couple of weeks ago, I found myself begging internally for a break. My regular job is busier than ever with everyone more stressed than ever. That is what pays my bills and allows me to have a roof over my head, so it must come first. After the work day is done, I am craving fun and adventure -- more than just a Saturday night.
Thus I have been going out a lot lately; doing different things. Surprisingly, getting back to my "country" roots some. I have made a ton of new friends. I have laughed and made fun memories, and I have enjoyed myself.
On the contrary, I know that I have to get back down to business so I don't lose you guys, and I definitely will. I am still here. I have just needed a break.
Since writing is my outlet, my escape, my high, and everything in between, I have been working hard on my novel. I enjoy that a lot because it is only me and my characters. It almost feels like when I am writing, I am in another world. I like that.
I have also had this awful cold for over a week and a half now. It is about to drive me insane since there is nothing you can do but stay loaded up on over the counter medications until it passes.
I also got my hair done Monday. I am back to my blonde with red streaks... except there was a problem. My best friend/stylist's sink was clogged up when she was rinsing my color and she did not know it. Thus the rinsed red die was still in the bowl as she was taking out my blonde foils. The result? Pink everywhere. We spent last night trying to do as much damage control as we could, but I am now officially a hot mess. Now I just have to wait for it to fade. I will post a picture when I get the guts.
Other than that, I have truly just been trying to figure things out. I feel different and I feel like I am starting a new chapter and new journey with life. It's exciting, intriguing and still a bit scary. But I have come to realize that I do not have all the answers, and sometimes, I just have to take my feelings and plans one day at a time. Through realizing this, it prompted me to keep to myself a little more than normal.
I'm still here though, I am just finding that balance (especially with work stress) and I am excited for my friends and readers to go through this journey with me. Like I always say: weight loss, fitness, life... we're all in this together.