Contentment has to be one of the best feelings imaginable. "Content" is defined as state of peaceful happiness... to be satisfied. I am a naturally very high energy, outgoing, and happy person; however I am not a content person. Truth be told, there are few very times that I have been content in my life.
The few times I knew I was content were because of how peaceful I felt mentally and how my heart rested; slowly, but strong. I miss that feeling immensely... the brief contentment I experienced is long gone. Contentment is not that overwhelming feeling of bliss; but a quiet yet powerful, satisfied feeling. I perceive happiness like a sprint and contentment as a marathon. Happiness can come in short bursts, but contentment lasts -- it is steady. It is a foundation.
Last weekend my grandmother made a comment that she was worried about me because I am never content. She is afraid that nothing will ever truly make me happy. I am thankful for the bond I have with my grandmother because above anything in life, I appreciate honesty. I do not know of a lot of 25 year old women who are single and on their own in life who are content. Yes, I am happy. No, I am not in anyway of the word content. I have gone through and I am living out the hardest year of my life. I still struggle more than I want to admit to my friends, family, and readers. Writing is my truth, and way of trying to understand my feelings and problems entirely, and contemplate how to resolve them.
This year has been so difficult for me because of the amount of change that required monumental adjustments. My life changed drastically. I have focused so much time and energy into growing and opening myself up in this blog, long hours at my job, losing 65 pounds, and slowly mend the pieces of my heart back together. When someone is working that hard to try and grow themselves to be independently successful, how can one be content?
I believe the comment was made to me because of the significant downturn I took at the end of June with anxiety and depression. I burned myself out to the point of rock bottom, and it took a month to even feel somewhat like myself again. Additionally, I slightly exasperated myself over the past couple of weeks. Some of my closest readers may have noticed since my blog posts were abnormally scarce. Fortunately, I quickly realized what was happening to me and tried to correct my health before I had a repeat.
Right now in my life, I do not know how to be content. I cannot tell myself that where I am right now is where I am going to be forever. I want more; and I want to accomplish my dreams. Sadly, my dreams are extremely competitive and if I want to achieve them, it requires a lot of sacrifice and hard ass work; both of which I have not done until this year.
As a result of trying so hard this year to improve myself and get to where I want to be, I have not enjoyed where I am. I have not enjoyed my journey of growing and hard work. Instead I have constantly told myself how I have to keep doing more. I have been telling myself that because I do not devote as much time as I should, that I am never going to accomplish anything. It has been very hard to properly delegate time in all of my necessary areas: work, blogging, my book, my weight loss, taking care of my home with all of the errands, cleaning, etc., rest, and a social life (because we all need to have some type of pleasure and enjoyment).
That comment has stuck with me over the course of the past week. It is true, and it is not something I am proud of. I do want to be content. I want to enjoy where I am while I get to where I am going. Because if I am not happy and content with where I am now, I will miss out on so much in life. I may become so miserable that I do not even notice that where I am at is always where I wanted to be. I could miss so many opportunities. I could pass up so many chances to make memories.
I desperately want to accomplish my dreams, but I am constantly terrified because I am one woman from small town North Carolina amongst a sea of beautiful, talented people who are better than me and want the same that I do. It's intimidating and disheartening. Even above that still, I truly want to enjoy the journey of my life.
I am now seeing and learning that if you do not enjoy today, how negative the consequences can be; and I do not want anyone else to experience this. One reason why I do open myself up on my blog is for the hope that at least one person can learn from my mistakes and avoid making them. I let loneliness engulf me. I let my anxiety take over my conscious; awful sweats, sleepless nights, racing heart-rate, and chronic fatigue. I wake up most mornings feeling like the day before I ran a marathon. I just took 7 days off from training and even still, every morning I woke up uncommonly sore. Often I stay on the verge of tears and just one negative thing could snowball the entire day. My weight loss has stalled for 8 weeks now. My skin is constantly breaking out. To sum all of this up, most days I feel like an emotional freaking mess.
I want to change: I want to be content without being complacent. I want to enjoy my journey. I want to cherish today. I want to be more thankful for what I have, and what I have accomplished. I know this is going to be hard, but I am really going to try. I am the only one who can make this happen; it is solely up to me and my mind. It is up to my attitude and my way of thinking. If I want to live a positive, happy life; I have to have a positive, happy way of thinking.
Faith. I started going to church at the beginning of July and I love it. It is my time with God and it is a recharge to my heart and soul. However, recently, I have not had any faith in my life. It pains me to admit that. I want to have faith. I want to believe God knows my heart, struggles, and inner demons, and that things will get better. Most days I feel too exhausted to exude this faith, but I am working on this.
Rest. Sleep and resting the mind is essential to anyone's well being. I have not been sleeping well lately because of my anxiety attacks, but I am improving this by getting in bed earlier to read, I started a journal (old school journal with pen and paper), and take melatonin on nights that I feel I need it.
Fun Activities. I try to at least do 2-3 fun activities a week. I wish desperately I could travel more and "get away", but until I can, I do the best with what I have available. Whether it is going out for dinner and drinks, a movie, painting, hiking, or massages, I want to do more things that give me pleasure.
Believing in myself. I want to make the best of everyday that I have. I want to stop putting myself down. "Rome was not built in a day" and I need to tell myself this. If I stay organized and delegate my tasks, and just do that best I can everyday, that is enough. Doing the best I can where get me to where I want to go.
Think Positive. I taught myself the power of positive thinking when I was 14 years old; and since then, my life has never been the same. I will elaborate on that in a future blog post, but it changed my life for the better -- better than I ever thought possible. However, I found that as I have gotten older, it gets harder. But I have two choices: see the good in life or see the bad. Focus on the positive or focus on the negative. The choices are up to me. Studies have proven time and time again that negative reinforcement is NOT the way to success.
I still have a lot of growing to do. I am still weathering this long storm. I want to keep trying; I just want to be happier. I want to be content. A happy person is a successful person. A happy person is a creative person. I want to do more, I want to do better, but none of that is possible if I am not happy. In order to be happy, I have got to start loving where I am right now and being thankful for the present.
I totally know how you feel, as I have been in the same place lately. I started seeing a life coach and it made a tremendous change for me. I am not completely content right now, but at least I have a path to get me there, and for me that is huge. I have spent the last few years floundering around trying to figure out what it was I wanted and how to get there, which is a lot harder than it sounds. It’s not easy to step back and be happy in the now, when you have all these ideas in your head for the future, but it is important, and I’m glad to see that you are taking steps toward it. Just know you aren’t alone.
ReplyDeleteI wrote a post about being content earlier this year too. I had achieved many of the goals I set for myself, and then found myself bored maybe, and left wanting more. I always want more, no matter what it is. Interesting thought. Maybe contentment comes with age. Here's the link if you're interested http://candicehudson.blogspot.com/2014/03/it-seems-fitting-that-my-last-blog-was.html
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post. I know I'm not content and don't know if I ever will be. I always need to have a goal that I'm working towards. I just think that when you don't life can pass you by. I want to work on being better every day instead of just being happy where I am. I think contentment is great but I don't think it's for me. :) Thanks for making me have deep thoughts today!
ReplyDeleteAll of these are sooo important. Love seeing that you are in a good space :)
ReplyDeleteI know I am going to sound like an old biddie with this comment, but honestly, you are doing everything correctly for your 20's. Now that I have finally settled into my 30's, and most recently, after turning 31, I can admit for the first time I feel content. Your 20's are all for figuring out YOU and your life and your job and your love. Your 30's are when you finally start falling into a groove with everything. Hang in there hun and keep chugging along.
ReplyDeleteAgreed; and I am glad you stated this. That is what I hope happens to me as well. I can't wait to be in my 30's. Well, I mean I can, but I am excited to grow more as an adult and woman.
DeleteGIRL! You spoke to my SOUL just now. I am in the exact same boat. I'm getting the same feedback from my parents, husband, even some co-workers. I am not content with work right now and it's taking over my life. I don't know how to break away from it just without pulling a Jerry McGuire, which I can't do. But I love that you wrote this. It definitely spoke to me big time. Thank you for being so thoughtful and deep, this really made me take a step back and re-evaluate where I am. I'm content everywhere else but work, so I know something has to change, just not sure what.
ReplyDeleteThe whole way through that I was reading this, I kept thinking, "there is a way to find contentment that does not require complacency", and then BAM right there at the end, you nailed it! I am so proud of you for posting this, for a bunch of reasons. I will absolutely admit that I have been feeling much the same myself lately...without going into too much detail here in a comment, my life is MUCH different now than I thought it would be, and has some pretty significant changes coming up again in the next few months. I find myself getting more scared about things than normal, experiencing a LOT more anxiety, and forgetting that I still need to find a way to enjoy every day that I am having now, even if it's not where I *want* to be eventually, or if it's not the "perfect" life I had imagined. I was reminded of these verses in Philippians 4:11-13 - "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Maybe those verses will help you find the strength you need, too. Love you, friend. I'm here if you ever need anything at all.
ReplyDeleteWhen I don't feel content, I look back and see what I have achieved in life and start counting my blessings; for instances, family and health. Life can change in a blink, enjoy the moment, work hard and good things will come to you at the right time. Sometimes I believe that not being content is part of my mind, I have to focus on something that keeps me going, and in the hassle I forget what is truly important. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Have a great week!
ReplyDeleteI never say I want to be happy. I choose contentment over happiness any day of the week. I'm content most every day now, even the days I'm not smiling happy...being content allows me to know that unhappiness is a fleeting feeling because I have the power to make adjustments. I have some years on you, and those years were spent finding out who I am, being tested, overcoming obstacles, and dealing with some really hard stuff. You're doing it right!
ReplyDeleteGirl I know exactly what you mean. Have you read "The Defining Decade"? It's all about how we are all pretty nuts in our 20s and it's hard to find contentment at our age. Written by a psychologist, I def recommend!
ReplyDeleteThis post has got me thinking more about contentment...and I think I need to write a blog post about contentment too. More so, what does it look like? I think it's a hard thing for a lot of people.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you have to be okay with the way your life is forever in order for you to be content. I do think it's possible to be content with your blessings, but desiring and working towards more. Besides, the nature of life is change. No need to get too settled in. ;)
akirahrobinson.com
Liz,
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you're talking about. I feel like I'm just stagnant and stalling out on life, certainly not content. I know the single girl in her 20s working two jobs, trying to run a household and blog at the same time struggle. Of course everyone has their ups and downs and additional problems and struggles. But it's hard to feel that way for a consistent period of time. The struggle is real. I'm so excited you could examine what you're feeling and come up with some action items! I feel like that's the key to addressing it and working towards being content.
Good luck girlie,
Meghan
This was everything I was/am feeling!! I am so glad for how open you are and how raw you are with your readers.. I am not even sure I am content on most days.. My life is NOTHING what I had planned when I used to talk about my future. The only bright side of this, we are young and we still have our whole life ahead of us to try to find this. Funny you mention an old school journal, i started one too!! We must be BFFs. Hang in there darling. I am always open to chat. Love youuuuu <3
ReplyDeleteHang in their Liz!
ReplyDeleteYou rock & are taking the right steps to feel better.
I hope you know your readers are rooting for you.
Even though you are struggling to find a piece of contentment I noticed that you are FAR ahead of the curve in comparison to most 25 yrs olds. Most people do not realize that contentment is something totally different from happiness.
ReplyDeleteI have been going through a transitional period where I am finding myself all over again. I battle bouts of anxiety and frustration. Finally, I decided the most important thing is me. I love working on achieving my dreams (if I didn't work on them they won't happen) and that work takes sacrifice but I was running myself toooo thin!
Tatiana mentioned looking back on your accomplishments and you will be quite rewarded. Your blog has grown tremendously and you have a significant group of followers who care about you, myself included, and you have completed some portions of your book. Additionally, you have made remarkable strides toward your weight loss goal AND you support yourself. Good job to you. You are doing great and I am sure you will find the piece you are looking for :)
I love that you have a solution on ways to overcome what you are going through. A way to find peace and contentment. It takes work. Just like anything and everything worth doing!
i feel like i know exactly how you feel. i struggle with being content with my life as well, but i totally agree with some of your ideas especially believing in myself, thinking positive & resting! so important. keep on keepin on gorgeous!
ReplyDeleteI can completely relate to everything you posted. I have decided to make some radical changes in my life this year. For so long I invested my time in other things instead of myself. It made me realize how much time I lost and how lonely and empty I felt and still feel at times. Dealing with depression and anxiety on a daily basis can be very draining on a physical and emotional level. If people don't have the issues then sometimes they don't understand what it is like. I'm 27 and single and it can be very lonely at times. Sometimes what our life looks like to others is different then how it feels on the inside. You are a strong person and I know you can handle anything that get's thrown your way. It's funny because my mom said almost the exact same thing to me. About being happy. If you ever need someone to talk to I am always willing to listen. It seems like we have a lot of the same struggles and issues so I relate to a lot of what you are talking about.
ReplyDeleteHey Liz, I been thinking about this post ever since I read it. I remember thinking when I read it what could I say to her to help her find the contentment she desires. I said a silent prayer. I read your blog faithfully so I've notice a few things. I'm not one to condemn people but rather try to encourage in a positive way. Tonight while at church the pastor said something that made me automatically think of you. He said you will never be content with your job or your life until Jesus becomes the focal point of your life. I know you go to church but do you really have a relationship with Christ? He will never take second place in your life. He has to be number 1. Is your focus on him or other things? I found for myself who has suffer from severe depression and terrible discontentment that once I really focused my life on Christ and what he desires for my life I felt content. Like I said I know you go to church but Jesus is so much more than just a Sunday school lesson or sermon. He is a life changer. You are a beautiful young lady with a lot to offer this world with your talents of writing and help with dieting. I hope you truly find the contentment you desire. It lies in the cross! :)
ReplyDeleteI am right there with you. I can't tell you when I have ever been content with something in my life. I'm 29 and I think that I need to adjust and refocus all the time. Life sucks sometimes.
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