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May 11, 2014

Loneliness, Hard Work, and Giving Thanks


I am inundated with thoughts as I sit down to write this blog post. I am unsure how title it correctly; I want to write about my loneliness, finally working hard, and giving thanks for the new and surprising blessings in my life. It is always so easy to focus on the negative going on in our lives. I find myself doing that sometimes and I shouldn't. That is not how I operate. That is not how I live my life.

I am lonely a lot of times now. I would say I have been feeling this way for a little over a month. The "official" definition of 'lonely' is: being sad because one has no friends or company. I feel a bit dramatic calling myself that, but at times, it feels true. I am a natural born extrovert, but I enjoy being alone as well. However, when you live alone, you get a lot of time to be by yourself so I enjoy being around people when I can. It happens everyday at work and then everyday at the gym. A lot of times now, even though I am around a lot of people, I feel really alone. I am happy with my life - I am excited. I work constantly, be it at work or my weight loss journey, I am very productive, but I am lonely. I am not complaining, I am simply stating a fact. 

Here is a downfall about me: I have always worried more about a social life than working hard. When I started high school and all throughout my life since then, my social life has always come before anything. Since I dream so big and so hard, that is probably the worst things I could do. I have huge things I want to do and all of them are really, really hard. I want to become an author - write a memoir as well as fictional series, grow this blog and eventually create and sell fitness products (like a cookbook, fitness clothing, and fitness tools (health journals, exercise guides, etc), and travel doing motivational speeches. That is a lot of hard damn work right there. Obtaining those things is going to require a lot sacrifice, hard work, and long hours. Talk about "blood, sweat, and tears". For about a month now, for the first time in my life, I have really started working hard to accomplish those dreams.

And I realize what a lonely path I have chosen. 

However, I feel it is lonely in a good way though. There have been so many changes in my personal life right now, that I really can't keep up anymore. My father is terminally ill, his wife, my step-mother, just lost her sister, my mother is going through a lot of issues within herself and her life (which really breaks me down), and my grandmother is having such a hard time with my grandfather who recently fell into a glass table and broke his leg, knee, and cut his body really bad.  My immediate family has so much going on right now and so many issues of their own. Then there are friends. I am the type of person who considers friends, family. Growing up, I was always with my friends on holidays. I do not have a big family so I have always been a girl who is surrounded by a ton of friends. I am 24 years old - soon to be 25, and having friends now is not the same as it was a few years ago. Most everyone I know is engaged, getting married, and having children. They have their own lives and families now, and being a friend is not what it used to be. Then there are really close friends who change. There are friends who you love more than anything, you think you know them inside and out, and it turns out you really didn't. It's truly shocking when you love someone so much and one day you realize how little they love you. One of my good blogger friends Nadine said to me the other day "I really found out who my friends were in my 20's". 

With all of that being said, it has been a difficult transition for me over the past month. For the first time in my life, I am truly becoming independent and strong on my own to feet. I have lived alone and been financially independent since I was 20 years old, but I have always been surrounded by a big social circle. Now I am doing more things alone. I am not afraid to do that anymore like I used to be. If I want to do something, I don't depend on anyone, I go do it. I have been disappointed a lot lately. It is hard sometimes, but I know it has made me a stronger person.

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to do big things. It's easy to dream and I did plenty of it. That is all I have done my entire life. My dreams were always pushed to the side though because it requires so much hard work. I had the ideas, but I did not want to sacrfice anything to obtain them. I was too caught up in the "now". What was I doing this weekend? What are we doing tonight? Plan this trip, plan that trip. That was all that mattered to me.

Now I want all of that to change.

I am beginning to understand that if I throw myself into my work, make sacrifices now, and at least try for all of these dreams and aspirations I have, in the future, I will be able to do all of the "fun" things I want. I remember when I was 18 years old, I was working at a typical corporate company part-time while I was going to school. I only lasted there 3 months, I hated it. Everyday there, people looked miserable. They complained constantly about their jobs and lives, they gossiped a lot about each other, and lived for Friday. I don't want my life to end up that way. And if I don't, I have to do something about it.

Thankfully, my current job keeps growing. I have been at my company over 6 months now. This job changed my life. The story of how I landed this position is a crazy one... and someone up above was looking out for me when I got it. Obtaining this job launched my weight loss journey and really helped me believe in myself after I had forgotten what that was like. I feel a part of something bigger than myself, I am stimulated, challenged, and motivated. I am given immense freedom and creativity, and I am getting assigned bigger and bigger projects and tasks. I want to keep growing and improving myself there, losing weight, and working on my other plans (such as this blog, of course) at night and on the weekends. For the first time in my life, that is what I have been doing and even though it is really lonely, I feel like if I keep working hard and trying, something big will finally happen.

That leads me to giving thanks, even though my heart is heavy a lot of times. I am thankful to have this change in my personal life because it is very new to me. Sometimes I have wanted to break down, and the tears have flown, but I refuse to let it tear me apart. I am seeing this "loneliness" as a time to better myself and finally try for the life that I feel is meant for me.


30 comments:

  1. This struck a cord with me, as I'm dealing with a similar moment in my life. Stay strong, keep positive and remind yourself this is a moment you should use to grow, reflect and make your goals.

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  2. Wow, I honestly feel like someone could have written this post about me. I can just relate to this so much. I feel like I am on a track to where I want to be, but so much around me is changing, such as growing apart from friends, seeing so many of them getting married, having kids etc.
    It's kind of a weird time.

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  3. I think most people have lost friends they thought they'd have forever. I really believe that some people are in your life for a reason, some for a season, and some forever. It's just that the people you have pegged in those categories don't necessarily match up to the reality of where, when, how, and how long they're in your life for.

    Times in your life that require a large amount of personal growth cause you to reflect on a lot of things. While they suck to go through, they really strengthen your sense of self. And to me, that's never a bad thing.

    Hang in there.

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  4. Sadly, it's nor just a "twenties thing". At 44 years old, I'm experiencing similar things with friends, my social life, changes in my career... Life is never stagnant that's for sure. I love following your IG and check your blog often. You are beautiful and inspiring. Thank you for sharing your life with us. 😊

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  5. Dream big girl!! I think you're definitely going to reach those dreams one day!! Love your honesty in this post. <3

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  6. Hang in there girl! The times when you feel lonely can be used to work on all the goals you want to accomplish. I am so sorry that the friends are shifting and not the friends you thought they were going to be. I think as we get older things shift and our focuses change but all you can be is true to yourself.

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  7. You're doing the best that you can for yourself, which is focusing on YOU. It's not always easy, but, it's paramount to a truly fulfilling life. :)

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  8. i'm turning 30 soon, and i'm in the same place as you are right now. if there's anything i've learned in the past few years is that i am enough by myself. it's hard to see it sometimes. i've been following your story for awhile now and i can see you changing, evolving. from my viewpoint, it's a positive thing. someone told me a few months ago - just lean into it. for some reason, that helped me. keep up the good work on all fronts. you're amazing and very inspiring to a lot of women. :)

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  9. Love this post. I agree as well, ita difficult being in your 20s and trying to "figure it all out" as I call it. I feel like everyone my age is engaged, having babies, etc. I thought id be doing the same at 26 but it hasnt turned out that way.

    It seems like everything is falling into place for you, keep up the awesome work!

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  10. I can relate to this post. Especially with all that has been going on in my life. I am surrounded by a lot of people but I still feel lonely. I go to work and come home and basically live a solitary life. Most of the time I enjoy being alone but at times it can be lonely. Most of my friends are married, pregnant, or have children. Or they live far away so I really don't get to see them. I think when you are in your 20's it's all about trying to find yourself and figure things out. I hope I have it together better when I'm in my 30's. It seems like your dreams and goals are coming true. Remember progress not perfection. Even baby steps will take you to your goals. Keep the faith.

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  11. You are not alone. I went through the same doubts in my mid-twenties as well. You will look back on all this in a few years and realize everything happened for a reason. People leave for a reason. I feel your pain though. My blog design has recently taken off and I find myself longing to be outside away from my computer. So I have resolved to sacrifice sleeping in to get it done before the sun is up. Keep going lady.

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  12. I love the end of that last quote "I belong DEEPLY to myself"

    Loneliness happens in crowded rooms.

    Buckling down and pushing towards your goals and dreams... is an amazing idea. And you never know what achieving those things will do. Who you will meet.. what doors will open.

    Your positivity and motivation will pay off.
    Believe me.

    :) Happy Monday Pretty Lady.

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  13. I have loved reading about your journey and watching you kick some serious butt in regards to landing your new job and pushing on with your fitness journey. Things will continue to fall into place with you girl, you are one tough cookie. I love that last quote picture!

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  14. oh honey. wish i could give you a big hug! you are going through so much, but you are so strong! i have absolutely been there, heck i still go there sometimes. you are an amazing person, and i am sure your life will be as amazing as you want it to be <3

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  15. We talked about this a little last week, so you know I feel ya! As you can see from the comments you already got, there are a LOT of people that go through similar things. Heck, even at 30 I don't exactly know what I am doing or where my life is going. I am married and we have a house and our dogs and cat and so I have my "family" unit portion of my life figured out. Yet...I have no clue exactly what my professional dreams are or how to even go about achieving them. I know I want more, I am just not sure what that more is? What will make me happy.

    I send lots of hugs. You are on a path for great things. You just keep your eye on the dream :)

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  16. I think we have all been there at some point. Just keep pushing on and your feelings will hcange soon enough. Also I would LOVE to see fitness clothes designed by you. That seems so perfectly fitting for you!!

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  17. You do lose your friends in your 20s everyone chooses different live paths. I admire your goals and I hope you are successful with all of them!

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  18. I can so relate to this and really appreciate this post! It's always good to know it's not just me. I am all about my job and this has had me move across the country and have a lot of experiences that my old friends just can't relate to, and I have a hard time relating to them too. Life, man! It's crazy

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  19. I love this post, and resonate with so much of it! Hang in there girl! And I am always always just a en email (or text - we will have to exchange #'s) away ... seriously, some of my best friends in life are those I've never met in person or see often, but communicate with all day every day ... LOL.

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  20. I love how you are so honest and meaningful with your posts! You are such an inspiration to so many personally and professionally! You always seem to find that ray of sunshine when life throws you a hailstorm and I admire that so much!! Everyone could learn something from you. :)

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  21. I love that you share the deepest parts of your heart. It really is so true - you learn a lot about yourself and your true friends in your 20's. I admire how you can see the ray of hope through the mist of struggle. Hang in there girl, and your doing great!

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  22. Being lonely is only temporary. It allows you time to figure out who you are, what you want in life and in relationships. You have probably heard the saying that that special someone will smack you right in the face when you least expect it!

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  23. Thanks for sharing your fitness ideas! I have been looking into new fitness ideas lately and I know that these will really help! Thanks again for sharing.
    Suzy | http://www.burlingtonfitness.ca/fitness.html

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  24. Love.. I want to say this breaks my heart to read about you being lonely but I don't want to lie. It makes my heart jump a bit to see your growth as a woman & as someone I consider a friend. I am so proud to hear you say you are okay with yourself and where you are going. Not only do we find our friends in our 20s, I truly believe I found out who my friends were when i got married. (my maid of honor who was there for me since 6th grade walked out on my life a week before my wedding & decided to stand by me to never speak to me since my big day - rude if you ask me lol) You are truly never alone, esp in blogging world that is what I have learned. You are doing amazing at losing weight, your job keeps blessing you and I know more positive things will happen for you! I love reading your story and how raw you are with us readers. I know big things are going to happen for you. Just keep doing you & hold your head high beautiful because people would kill to see you fail!! I love you. ps. I hope none of this came across the wrong way - not sure if I worded it correctly how I truly wanted to mean it

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  25. I love how honest you are in this post. I think it's so normal to feel lonely in a way crowded room, that you feel like no one can relate to you. You're so right to count your blessings and focus on helping others. Thanks so much for linking up to the Be.You.Tiful Link Party! I look forward to seeing and reading your posts!

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  26. Just found your blog this morning, and this post just resonates with me SO much. I'll be 29 in a few months, and I can honestly say that the past 6 months I have finally started to feel "normal" again. From the time I stopped being the social butterfly (partying all night, err night) at 22ish, I felt exactly the way you described. It's such a cliche that once you focus on yourself, that other people will fall into your life. AND that being said, I hate to admit that it's true (at least in my case). Try thinking about this time in your life to actually be kind of selfish- do what you want to do, when you want to do it, however you want it done! There will come the time when you've got the husband and kids and PTA and sports practices and you'll just want 2 minutes to pee in peace. :) Hang in there girl. This too, shall pass.

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  27. I'm outgoing and like going out, but growing up, I had very very few friends. I wanted to be liked, but I wasn't. The few friends that I had through elementary school through high school; we don't talk anymore. In college, I found more and more friends, I would go out just about every weekend. When I moved to where I live now back in 2008, I found a group of friends and loved going out with them (sadly, we aren't friends anymore, but they led in a roundabout way to meet my husband). Even now, I have way more friends than I have had in my life.

    I guess were I was the only child and was basically so lonely growing up that I got use to not having people around. I mean, I love hanging out and being around people, but I don't have to be around them, you know? Like when people have to have people around them 24/7? That's not me. I'm a homebody. This past year my husband and I have both sacrificed pretty big in order for me to chase my dreams and make them a reality. Sometimes it may "suck," but it will be worth it in the end and on the grand scheme of things.

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  28. You really have a great way with words Liz! This is a fabulous post! You are so honest and open. I don't know you all that well yet, but I know one things for sure -- Your are a STRONG woman! Having all this weight on your shoulders, have huge dreams that you WILL succeed at, and being so driven and independent is absolutely amazing! You are an inspiration to many people and I guarantee you will continue to touch the lives of others along your journey! I know there are times of heart break or discouragement or negativity or weakness, but keep your head up. You will get through it! In regards to the friends thing, I can totally relate. It's SO true that you learn who your friends are when your in your 20s! Just remember that your true friends will always be there no matter what and every friendship should have a two way street with both sides putting forth effort! Therefore, if they aren't making an effort to you, then you should focus on you! :)

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  29. This is written so beautifully! I am the same age as you and as single as can be. It has been something that i have been struggling with/learning to adapt with for quite sometime, so I write all my Monday posts now under the title "The Path of the Single Girl." I just wanted a weekly post that I could relate to others, get advice, talk about funny things about being single, but also some serious struggles. When everyone around is getting married, engaged, etc it sucks, but then again I always think of all the cool things I can do and they can't :) I do think the hardest part is the change in friendships.

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  30. I love everything about this post. I love your determination, drive and character. I will be 40 this year and I moved to a new state almost 5 years ago and I have yet to make a connection with anyone. I get that feeling of loneliness that sometimes takes over and I am married with two kids but friendship is different. I too lost many friends in my 20s but also made some lifelong ones in that same time frame. Know there are many of us out there and thanks (or not, haa) to social media, I feel connected to some. Thank you for sharing!

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